Seeing each other's expected interests and potential desires clearly and impressing each other inadvertently can be used not only in business occasions, but also in various occasions in daily life.
Attract each other → enhance value → be popular.
Communication skills come in handy whenever the other person needs to take action for himself. For example, couples also use many skills related to negotiation when interacting.
Case 1 Knowing each other's inner desires makes it easy to win in friendship.
(Although it's just a number, I'm really not used to this scene ...)
Due to the strong invitation of his predecessors at work, Xiaolong had to join the fraternity, but he was always on tenterhooks on the way. Although Xiaolong has a good personality, he doesn't have much affinity with girls, so he always acts as a foil in social activities.
Senior: "Xiao Long, thank you for coming today. What's the matter, listless. The girls who come today are very cute. "
Xiao Long: "Anyway, I am at most a trumpeter, neither popular with the opposite sex nor nervous." If my girlfriend finds me, it will be a disaster. How can I cheer up? "
Senior: "those girls are very happy that people who work in big companies like you come to socialize." How do you say you are a graduate of a famous university and work in a big company? Have confidence in yourself! "
Xiaolong: "Elder, please don't comfort me. At the beginning, I said I was good-looking and had' nutritional value', but no one wanted it, so my predecessor nicknamed me' coriander'! Now my friends I know at work still call me' coriander'! "
Senior: "Oh, there is this thing. I was wrong! I was wrong! In this way, I will make you very popular today. "
Xiao Long: "How can seniors be popular with this?"
Senior: "Why not! Love begins with fantasy and hypothesis. If you want to be welcomed by the opposite sex, you must look at what the other party expects and then play the ideal type of the other party. "
Xiaolong: "The benefits of expectation?"
Senior: "Yes, for example, having financial ability should make you happy. If you are funny together, you must make yourself happy. When talking to girls, you should also pay attention to what benefits she expects. "
Xiaolong: "I see."
(Why is it so like negotiation ...)
Senior: "For example, if you observe that a girl wants her boyfriend to make her happy, then Xiaolong, you should make her think you are funny."
Xiaolong: "Is this ok?"
Senior: "Of course you can't say' I am a funny person'. So, you must make me laugh first. "
Xiaolong: "Ah ..."
Senior: "well, if I say as a bystander,' Xiaolong has always been good at making people around him laugh." "So the credibility is high. Finally, potential desires that girls themselves are not aware of, such as high income, are inadvertently hinted that they will succeed in nine cases out of ten. "
Xiao Long remembered what he had seen in the negotiation book before: "See clearly the expected interests of the other party and let the other party know that our proposition is objective."
Cleopatra's impression strategy
Seeing through each other's expected interests is the skill of love and negotiation. The typical successful application of this technique is the famous Cleopatra. With the help of powerful people at that time, she got out of the crisis and mastered the supreme power with her love. Legend has it that she is a peerless beauty, but later research shows that she is not a beauty. So, how does Cleopatra, who is not beautiful, charm powerful people with his wives and concubines?
Cleopatra captured the hearts of those in power twice because she was good at observing what the other side needed and made herself the ideal type in the other side's mind. Get to know each other through amazing performances, show your intellectual side in clever conversations, and let the other side directly feel the richness of Egypt ... Cleopatra knows how to let the other side see the benefits of being with himself.
In order to win the favor of the general who is 30 years older than herself, although she is young, she shows a firm defense of the motherland; In order to win the favor of the rough general, she showed her delicate and elegant side. It is the basic principle of negotiation to make breakthroughs in different ways in the face of different opponents. It is said that Cleopatra's political means are extraordinary, which shows that she is also an excellent negotiator.
It is very important for the other party to see the expected benefits, which is not difficult to achieve in daily life, such as TV advertisements. Advertising is a means for merchants to invest a lot of financial resources to promote commodity sales, so in order to make advertising achieve the effect of increasing sales, advertising companies really rack their brains. Here, please think about it: Why do most advertisements for brand-name cars have beautiful women in fancy clothes? Why do happy families always appear in advertisements for single-use cars? It is the usual practice of those excellent marketers to see clearly the potential desires that the other party has never realized and let the other party see the realization of the desires.
Another skill is to let the other person know that his opinion is objective. For example, when talking about the house sale and purchase agreement, the other party is more likely to accept such statements as "comparing and evaluating the price, XXX yen is more suitable" and "considering the market price, XXX yen is more suitable". Consulting the opinions of third parties such as lawyers and professionals is also a common method.
Enterprises often publish customer feedback on home pages or brochures. There is data to prove that praising how good your goods and services are is more convincing than selling melons and publishing customer feedback.
It can be seen that negotiation skills can come in handy whenever it is necessary to mobilize others to act. Everyone may unconsciously act according to each other's wishes. It is helpless to think that being unpopular with the opposite sex is not self-abandonment, but neglect. From now on, try to guess what interests your boss, subordinates or family members are pursuing!
Communication skills that can also be used in love: Is the other person unable to make a decision?
In the negotiation, the key words that can shake the other side most are "only now", "only here" and "only you". This is a way to urge the hesitant party to make a decision as soon as possible.
"Only Now" Method for Giving Goods Shortage Value
The last copy, limited edition models, not for sale in Japan, and many discounts during the promotion period. Did these words tempt you? Instilling the impression that you will lose if you don't make a move, creating opportunities to urge the other party to make a decision, which is the skill of * * * in love and negotiation.
Case 2: Sweet temptation of "limited time discount"
Girl: "Oh, it turns out that Xiaolong is so funny."
Xiao Long: "Not exactly ..."
Before Xiaolong's words were finished, the seniors came out to settle them.
Senior: "as long as this boy is here, the atmosphere is very active, and both boys and girls are very popular." I think this is called envy, jealousy and hate. It may also be a high degree of education and a high income. Girlfriends are all beautiful women. "
(Actually, my income is not very high. I haven't had a girlfriend before ...)
Senior: "However, Xiaolong seldom has no girlfriend now."
Xiaolong wants to say "he has a girlfriend", but his predecessors have already said it themselves.
Senior: "this boy is very kind to his girlfriend, so he is rarely alone." However, funny men with high incomes will not lack girlfriends. "
Oh, it's not good to lie down like this. )
Xiao Long: "No, actually ..."
Senior: "It is said that only 6% of unmarried men work in big companies with high annual income. There are even fewer girlfriends here. "
Xiaolong lost the chance to tell the truth again.
Xiaolong: "Senior, stop it!" "
Senior: "You boy, you like girls again, and don't say you won't go to the party next week."
(Mama of, how can I tell the truth? )
Under the advocacy of predecessors, the loveliest girls in the fraternity began to pursue Xiaolong.
How does Cinderella stand out?
In the negotiation, the key words that shake the other side are: "only now", "only here" and "only you". This is a way to urge the hesitant party to make a decision as soon as possible. This is a very traditional technique, not only in negotiations, but also when inciting the other party to buy goods. Perhaps some people see brand-name bags with a price of more than 1 10,000 yen, and think it is "too expensive" when they think about it calmly; Similarly, when you buy a game console, you will think "Why is it for sale" when you see "for sale".
Let's compare the psychology of buying and not buying.
1. The state that can be bought immediately → (psychologically) I don't really want it.
2. For sale status → (psychologically) I feel that things that I can't buy are precious.
3. The state of being out of stock → (psychologically) I feel that if I don't buy now, I will lose money.
Compared with the first state, people are more likely to realize the purchase behavior in the second and third States.
This point has been repeatedly verified in the author's main business, that is, the online shopping industry. So is love. Let the other person realize that there is no chance at any time. Once this opportunity is missed, it may not happen again in the future, which makes it easier to force the other party to make a decision. Cinderella is a typical example of successfully using this technique to obtain happiness.
Cinderella left in a hurry before the prince was satisfied (although this is because the magic will be invalid after 12 minutes). This time limit is so close to the prince's decision that the author can't help wondering whether the fairy took this into account when she cast magic on Cinderella. When all the ladies present were scrambling to show their best side, Cinderella suddenly disappeared, so she succeeded in attracting the prince's attention. Instead of attacking blindly, it is also a common method to withdraw in time to improve self-worth in negotiations. From the perspective of negotiation, it is an excellent strategy to leave the glass shoes cleverly and guide the other party to pursue before leaving.
One of the reasons why I became a top waitress in Ginza is that I left on time at 1 1: 30. The habit of leaving suddenly when the guests are in the highest mood has made my popularity much higher.
It is said that an actress told her boyfriend to study abroad in order to make up her mind to get married. Hearing this, my boyfriend thought, "We may not see each other in the near future, or we may break up in the end. Now maybe we can stop her ..." So he immediately proposed. Although very traditional, this technique is very effective in negotiation and love.
Communication skills that can also be used in love: Is honesty really the most important?
Not both sides can be happy if they are honest, whether it is negotiation or love.
It is also important to really care about each other.
Case 3 Honesty is good. ...
The girl I met at the sorority is called Xiaolong. Xiaolong tried many times to confess to each other, but he couldn't find the right time.
Girl: "I'm sorry to call you so soon after I met you." I look forward to our next meeting. But before we meet, I think there are some things that should be told to you first. "
Xiaolong: "Oh, ok. What is it? "
Judging from the tone, what the girl is going to say next should be a very serious matter.
Girl: "Actually, I am ... divorced and have a child."
Why did you suddenly say such a thing ...
Xiao Long: "I see. I can't see it at all. "
(Xiao Long pretends to be calm because he cares about each other's emotions, but he still inevitably thinks more. )
Girl: "I got married at the age of 23, and immediately after that, I had children ..."
The girl talked about her past like this. Xiaolong had a good impression on her, but when she told so many stories about herself, she was no longer interested.
Bad news should be easily delivered at the right time.
Earlier, we introduced the skills of reaching an agreement on issues with less conflicts of interest before making complex adjustments. Because talking about complex topics from the beginning is likely to ruin what could have been discussed. The same is true of love. Tell each other something that is not good for them before the signs of starting a relationship appear, and two people who rarely get along are likely to go their separate ways. On the contrary, after determining the relationship to a certain extent, you can turn a blind eye even if you encounter something that reduces points. There are many examples
In love, it is also important to control the openness of information. There is no need to confess bad things to each other at the beginning and tell them everything about yourself. There are also many situations where we can't be together in the end.
Maybe someone wants to be honest with each other, but it is sometimes a burden to tell them everything regardless. Honesty is not like a showdown in gambling. It's not too late to tell you things that are not good for you until the relationship between the two sides is relatively stable. In addition, don't choose too serious a way, it's better to say it lightly, so that the other party can accept it more easily.
Example:
There are some important things that I think I should tell you first. Actually, I ... ...
Hey? Didn't I tell you I was divorced?
The timing and method of notification are very important. Feeling plays a vital role in interpersonal relationships. "So what will the other person think?" People who can pay attention to this problem can occupy a favorable position in the negotiation, and such people will be very popular not only among the opposite sex, but also in enterprises.
Communication skills that can also be used in love: Do you know that you can negotiate without language?
Everyone wants each other to see their own advantages and get recognition, which is human nature.
Next, let's take a look at the nonverbal negotiation skills that use people's psychology to make each other give in to themselves.
The psychology of wanting to be recognized
Everyone has the psychology of wanting to be accepted and recognized, and the method I want to introduce to you here is to use this psychology. It seems that many people unconsciously use this method in real life.
There is such an interesting experiment. The content of the experiment is this: the college students agreed in advance that when the teacher gave a lecture on the right, everyone nodded, and when the teacher gave a lecture on the left, everyone didn't respond. As a result, the teacher who was kept in the dark gradually became a reasonable rightist. This interesting experiment shows that people may be unconsciously controlled by each other.
Case 4 Silence and smile can change each other.
Xiao Long: "How about going to Hakone-CHO according to the previously agreed itinerary?"
Kaori: "No, people say they want to go to the seaside."
Xiaolong: "But Hakone-CHO is closer and cheaper. We are both very busy recently. Let's go to Hakone-CHO this time. "
Kaori: "..."
Kaori fell silent, and Xiaolong felt a little embarrassed.
What if Kaori thinks I'm stingy and hates me?
Xiaolong: "Well, what about Izu?"
Kaori: "..."
Xiaolong: "well ... just go to Okinawa."
Kaori: "Ah! Really? Great! ! "
Although the trip to Okinawa exceeded Xiaolong's budget, after watching Kaori happily plan his trip, Xiaolong gradually felt that it was the right choice to decide to go to Okinawa.
Everyone wants to be accepted rather than rejected. In the negotiation, when you are not satisfied with the other party's proposal, you can successfully get the other party to make concessions by keeping a calm face and keeping silent. If one party has a strong desire to be recognized, such as the relationship introduced by others, the relationship between men and women in love, parent-child relationship, etc., this method is more effective. There is no need to complain directly,