During the two-day weekend, she never mentioned it, and we didn't see anything on the little man's mind. Maybe she is escaping or choosing to forget this unpleasant thing for a while, but the influence of this matter has not disappeared.
Speaking at this time, because the next day is Monday, she thought that she might encounter this thing when she goes to kindergarten tomorrow morning, and what happened before and the uncomfortable feeling it brought appeared again. She was afraid of going through another injury and was at a loss because of anxiety.
I know that Mao Mao is an overbearing and powerful child. Looking at the child's expression, I can feel that the child is facing a great pressure event for her.
My mood was very complicated at first, thinking that she was under great pressure at that time, and my heart must be very uncomfortable; Recalling this incident itself is also a painful process. As a mother, I feel very distressed. If I can, I'd rather take the responsibility for her or go directly to the other parent's theory and tell the teacher. I was angry, too. Others took it from you, why don't you take it back from others? ......
However, reason tells me that anger can't solve the problem, nor can it solve the problem for her. On the way of growing up, she needs to learn to cope with challenges by herself.
As a psychologist, I know that solving such a thing is not only related to the child's personality, but also needs the scientific guidance of parents.
For such a young child, the state of parents facing problems is very important.
Parents are children's energy harbors, and parents' information is needed to judge whether the surrounding environment is safe and whether things can be solved.
Whether parents are calm, angry or scared will send different messages to their children and produce completely different effects.
If you are calm, children will feel that things are not as terrible as they think and can be controlled and solved; If you are impatient, angry and scold your child, the child may feel incompetent and inferior, and feel rejected by his parents, which will make him more afraid and shrink back. If you are anxious and nervous, the message it sends to your child is that parents can't do anything about it, and your child will feel helpless and think that the kindergarten environment is unsafe.
I remember some time ago, the mother of a 3-year-old child asked me about her anxiety about entering the park. A week after the child entered the park, two small things happened in the middle-the toy he was playing with was taken away by another child, and another child scratched his chin. Then the child cried and refused to go to kindergarten. Parents are helpless and can only let their children rest at home for a week; Send it back a week later, and the child cried even more. Parents look at their children crying into the garden every morning with worried eyes; Too anxious to go to work during the day; Pick up the children from work early in the evening, and as soon as I receive them, I am anxious to ask them how they are doing at school today. Parents' unspeakable anxiety makes children feel that parents lack confidence and are at a loss about kindergarten and his kindergarten life. This kind of emotional contagion makes children feel more insecure.
Therefore, when children feel nervous and anxious, Cohen thinks it is very important for parents to play the role of "the second calm chicken", which helps to guide children to calm down.
Because I have come into contact with some such cases in my work, I have a clear solution to this problem.
I calmly sat face to face with the child, held her hand, listened to her intermittent finish, and gently told her with positive eyes: "Mom can understand you. I have encountered similar things before. Don't worry, mom will help you face it and solve it together. "
In a stressful environment, rationality will be flooded with emotions, making it difficult to think rationally. Especially for children, their energy has been exhausted by bad emotions, let alone how to solve them.
At this time, she can be guided to recall and ease her emotions. Although it will be uncomfortable, it will be very helpful for her to get rid of anxiety and tension.
According to my childhood experience, I made up a story about bullying children for her, and told her in the language of the story that the captain was actually a child like himself. When she respects the team members and performs the duties of captain fairly, people will regard her as the captain. And when she is unreasonable, she will be opposed by everyone, and the power of her captain will disappear, and what she said will have no effect. She listened carefully and kept asking me about the subsequent development.
After a period of counseling, the child's mood gradually calmed down. After I answered her questions, she also took the initiative to share a related incident with me: Mao Mao once hid her pajamas because she slept by the bed. Ningning and she are good friends. When they saw it, they were very angry, so they grabbed pajamas together.
Seeing that she has the strength to recall these things shows that she is not so afraid.
When the child is sad and helpless, parents need to establish physical contact with the child, such as holding or holding the child's hand to give the child a sense of security; Go with your child to see what kind of emotional experience his inner world is experiencing and help him describe his inner emotions.
When my emotions are sorted out, I know what my real fears and fears are and whether these fears are reasonable.
When children are understood, they will feel relaxed and have more motivation to explore and find solutions.
The process of helping children review can not only help children understand the complex emotions they have experienced, but also get rid of anxiety; It can also help children find out where their coping skills can be improved.
When the children are relaxed and full of energy, we can discuss the coping methods and possible problems together.
The child was relieved this time, and she felt that all her worries were answered one by one.
Then we rehearsed it according to her description.
Dad asked her, do you know how to deal with this situation in the future?
The next day, the child came back and told me happily that she had protected her rope today. She told the captain of the Elsa team about it, and she thought she had the support of the captain; And told the teacher about it. She also said, "You can tell the teacher if there is a problem with sailing. MengMeng often tells the teacher when he encounters problems, so can I. "
Children will encounter many setbacks in their lives. As parents, it is usually the responsibility to cultivate children's coping ability. The following methods will be more helpful.
Of course, the premise is that parents should have the ability and good attitude to face these events, and it is effective to cultivate children's confidence and strength:
1, help children to relieve their emotions: having a fixed communication time with children every day not only deepens the emotional connection with children, but also teaches children to express their emotions;
2. Learn to communicate in children's language: It is not easy for younger children to accept the truth. We can help children get out of emotional distress through picture books or stories about related topics. For example, a picture book such as Don't Tell Me What to Do is very good. Parents can also read the book about "therapeutic stories" in "Stories Know How to Do" and learn to solve some challenging problems with stories.
3. Let more children contact different environments to enhance their knowledge and courage;
4. Encourage children to make different friends. Children with many friends are not easy to be bullied, and they are more likely to get help when they are in trouble.
5. Let children do what they can to improve their self-care ability and independent problem-solving ability;
6. Improve physical fitness and self-confidence through daily exercise and participation in sports interest classes.
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There are many specific methods, and different children may be suitable for different methods.
But the most important thing is that parents should be wise and trust their children. By giving children strength and methods in appropriate ways, children will certainly learn to deal with the stressful events they have experienced.