Brief introduction: A high-value consultant with rare gender in psychological circle is a representative figure with young appearance and mature heart. Motto: cherish time and cherish people. Counseling hours: 2000 hours, research direction: workplace psychology, marriage and gender, physical and mental illness, peer counseling. Recent concerns: priority first, mindfulness decompression, interpersonal communication in the Internet age.
Edit |? Young River, assistant of all-media editorial department, a cup of coffee.
Contact | A cup of coffee editorial department coffeepr@qq.com
During my recent trip, I spent time reading My Road to Psychotherapy, edited by Shi and others. , is a text-arranged version of the career growth micro-course shared by 15 senior psychological counselors, which contains many good things. On the way, I sorted out what I thought was more essential and universal. According to the relevant topics, rather than the original books, the sharers classify them for the reference of psychological counselors, psychology lovers and visitors.
In addition, big coffee is only a respectful name for more senior psychological counselors and seniors, not to say that they are authoritative, so what they say is beyond doubt. I hereby explain it to avoid misunderstanding.
What is the effect of psychological counseling?
I believe that many psychological counselors, psychological enthusiasts and visitors are more concerned about this issue. After combing, I found that coffee people generally think that the difference between school and specific technology is limited. The key is whether psychological counseling can help visitors better understand themselves. If there are insights in counseling, they should have new experiences.
The most important thing is to deal with the treatment relationship.
How a person is treated determines how we treat ourselves and others. The most important thing for any school is to deal with the relationship between treatment. The therapeutic relationship will help a person to the extent of 80~90%. I often juxtapose therapeutic relationship with parent-child relationship, which is called parallel relationship in psychoanalysis. Our childhood intimate relationship model will affect the current intimate relationship model, which will also be presented in psychotherapy.
In the relationship between consultation and visiting, I advocate the following four points: first, modesty and tolerance, careful use of power and authority; second, abandoning the supremacy of technology, not thinking that you are high-level, just saying that you are fine, often showing the appearance of leaving no room; third, don't always emphasize the weak position, don't treat others with a hostile attitude, be generous and supercilious; fourth, treat patients as people, and don't treat others with others.
See if you can be yourself sincerely.
Whether a person can get help in interpersonal communication depends on whether this person can truly express himself in front of others. Although many people think they have no scruples consciously, subconsciously, they are still afraid of being left out by others, opposing ridicule, refutation and denial, and worrying about whether what they just said is stupid. We should be prepared that visitors will have some difficulties when they express their feelings in front of strangers for the first time.
Whether a person can fully express his feelings and feelings safely and freely in front of others is related to his childhood experience. If you feel the unconditional love and acceptance of caregivers at an early age, infants and young children can play alone with their mothers carefree, get very safe care at birth, get full satisfaction in response, and have a basic sense of security at an early age, so that when they grow up, they can accept setbacks and become independent objects and walk into their hearts safely when necessary. This is an ideal state.
Depends on finding yourself.
If everyone wants to really get psychological growth, they must leave their familiar environment, but we can't leave rashly. We must see where we are, otherwise we don't know where we are.
Psychological counselors don't need to give advice and suggestions to visitors. When visitors have a self and a direction to look for, they will naturally know what they want to do. Many times, they are smart, have the ability to learn and can make their own decisions, but they often don't know who they are and it is difficult to make decisions.
Depends on finding the meaning of life continuity.
We may not be able to eliminate the symptoms of patients or change a person's basic personality structure, but we can help a person find coherent meaning from a chaotic life. This process is very helpful for a person and important for self-acceptance. A person's pain is not because he is unlucky, but because he doesn't know why he is unlucky. When he has a deeper understanding, there will be a lot of relief.
See if you can accept the unchangeable.
The root of many pathological pains of human beings is that they can't tell which psychological activities can be controlled. When the subjective can be controlled, it can't be controlled, and the subjective should not be responsible, which leads to pathological symptoms, especially neurosis.
Analyze the subjective and objective aspects of psychotherapy from three levels. The first is the symptom level, to understand the objectivity of symptoms. Just like a child who is anxious about exams, if you know that this anxiety exists objectively for you and there is nothing you can do subjectively, you will not compete with him.
Second, the subjective and objective analysis of psychological motivation is to understand the dynamic reasons behind the symptoms. We have instinctive feelings and desires, many of which are objective. If we completely suppress them under the consciousness and there is no correct channel to vent them, they will become symptoms and form pathological emotions. If we have emotions, we will be depressed in the future, and finally, we will form pathological emotional depression.
Third, the subjective and objective correlation analysis of personality level. On the one hand, we should promote the understanding of objective psychological phenomena and accept the objective characteristics of personality. If you are a competitive person, you will accept this feature. After acceptance, the competitiveness will be loosened. On the other hand, we should promote the understanding of subjective initiative and give full play to the subjective positive role of wisdom.
In addition, family therapy emphasizes the interaction between people. When family members see the unchangeable part, they will put down their high expectations for themselves and others, and their acceptance and tolerance will become higher, and nervousness may become acceptance and tolerance for each other.
Beware of misunderstanding, real change requires new experiences.
Some visitors may reflect on their problems by reading books. Although they have a profound analysis of their own problems and their causes, these understandings are not helpful to solve their problems, and even an obstacle to change to some extent.
This kind of understanding is a wrong understanding, not a real understanding, and can't help visitors achieve real changes. It is impossible to solve the problem only by understanding at the cognitive and rational levels. So what is missing in this? The most important thing is the lack of some experience. No matter what form of treatment, there is a relationship, in which visitors have the opportunity to gain new experiences.
By dealing with the new experience of negative emotions of counselors, changes can be achieved.
Most problems of visitors are related to unsafe attachment. When they enter the treatment room, they will inevitably test whether the therapist cares and loves them enough with a subconscious desire. For many visitors, psychotherapy is largely a practice and attempt. Can he feel safe in the treatment room and try to explore further?
Psychotherapy can't guarantee your satisfaction. If the therapist has always been good to the visitors, and the visitors do not have negative emotions during the treatment, especially the negative emotions to the therapist, then it is difficult to deal with the negative effects brought by past experiences. Even if the visitor has a lot of dissatisfaction, anger and belittle to the therapist, it is not easy for the therapist to insist on helping the visitor. Therapists have to bear this demeaning attack, so that visitors can get a corrected emotional experience. As therapists, we should be like those who hurt her in the early days, and we should not be like those objects, but we should not be completely different. If it doesn't look like therapy at all, you will never start.
Psychological counselors provide a stable reference for visitors and let them make their own decisions.
Visitors need a reference to make decisions for themselves, and consultants are the reference. You should keep a neutral position, don't deviate, don't give strong suggestions, don't give right or wrong judgments, just react there in your own state, just like a mirror, map out the state of visitors, confirm your existence through the reference of consultants, and then make your own decisions.
The effectiveness of consultation depends largely on.
Self-growth level of consultants
From the above, you will find that the self-growth level of psychological counselors determines the consulting effect to a great extent. What kind of person the counselor is is much more important than what genre and background he is. These big coffees also talked about their views on how consultants can improve their self-growth level.
Touch your soul first.
Martin buber said that a person who is doing psychological counseling may be able to cure some people if he only uses technology on the surface, but this kind of treatment is not enough, because the real treatment should touch their souls. If you want to be a consultant, you must first touch your soul, communicate with your soul and communicate with your body, so as to further help visitors move forward. For consultants, this is a compulsory course for life.
Self-awareness involves these aspects.
Psychological counselors should not only have self-awareness, but also have a valuable orientation. Self-awareness involves these questions: Who am I? Where is the boundary between me and others? Why did I grow into what I am now? To what extent do I decide my own affairs? What is important to me? What is the significance of what I have done to society? What kind of faith do I have in others?
Pay attention to your vision and pattern. Know what to see, what not to see, what to do and what not to do. Our views on right and wrong will affect our handling of what tourists say. If you don't make it clear, you may do bad things with good intentions and even cause iatrogenic harm, that is, it will cause trouble and harm when helping others.
Self-awareness can make us honest with ourselves and our visitors. When establishing a relationship, our illusions about others will affect each other's image, create enemies with hostility and make friends with goodwill. If we take a pessimistic and negative attitude towards human nature, we will often see people who are not pleasing to the eye.
We should consciously promote moderate psychological differentiation and have appropriate boundaries and intersections with others in emotional cognition. If the differentiation is low, independent, neutral and suggestive, everything is easily influenced by people and there is no opinion. If the differentiation is too high, it will appear headstrong, emotionally alienated from others, indifferent and socially unsuitable.
Counselors should be real.
The realism of consultants is very important for a good relationship between consultants and visitors. Many people often want to play the role of consultants, but unconsciously disguise themselves. In fact, professional identity should keep a basic boundary to some extent, otherwise you won't know your position. Visitors want to see their own existence through your real existence. If all your disguises disappear, he can't see himself from your eyes. Truth is not to vent one's emotions in consultation, but to watch the emotions with the visitor when she expresses them, not to vent. Being a real person needs better self-function than being a disguised person.
Counselors also need to pay attention to their own humanity. Humanity means that you have your own hobbies, likes and interests. Full of enthusiasm for life, not shirking social responsibility.
Consultants are divided into three categories.
Consultants can be roughly divided into three categories.
First, when they grow up, they seldom get the affection of their parents, are very independent and have good social functions. These people can give strength to visitors, similar to their fathers, but because they don't have the ability of affection in the early days, they will be stiff when supporting them, unable to establish good contact with each other and unable to make them feel supported.
Second, these people have a very difficult life since childhood, struggling to survive in the cracks, cultivating a lot of ability to read people, being able to understand others well and make others feel comfortable, but without self. They lack a good sense of self-existence, and will be taken away by visitors after their feelings, and they are very weak in some places.
Third, in the past experience, they can't understand others, their living ability is poor, and they can't find their place in the social rules system. These people need to grow up more, so don't rush to be consultants.
Be aware of your own anti-empathy
In the practice of psychological counseling, we focus on empathy and anti-empathy, that is, the interaction between two people in the subconscious, which is more important than theoretical analysis. The key of psychoanalysis is what kind of model two people present when they interact on the spot.
The consultant's experience and skills in handling cases are finally reflected in his anti-empathy consciousness towards himself. Without this, many treatments are difficult to carry on. There will be blind spots in consultation, some from the projection of visitors, and some from the blind spots of consultants themselves. All these require consultants to break through their self-awareness and perceive their own anti-communism, not to analyze themselves, but to better understand and help visitors.
Psychological counselors should pay attention to or avoid it.
What happened?
Psychological counselors should pay attention to their words and deeds, and don't set an example.
The psychological counselor's own spiritual realm and behavior will become the object of imitation and learning for help seekers. If you can't live up to other people's expectations, you set a bad example.
Don't get to the bottom of it.
Too ruthless curiosity will make visitors suffer unnecessary pain. Don't let tourists expose themselves too much and prematurely just to satisfy their curiosity, so we should restrain our curiosity. In the whole process of psychotherapy, curiosity and exploration are aimed at helping visitors to better understand themselves, rather than satisfying their curiosity.
Don't rush to judge.
We have to have some ability to delay judgment, especially when we first enter psychoanalysis. First of all, we should understand the defense mechanism, empathy and dynamic hypothesis of visitors. Usually, consultants and supervisors are not very clear about these issues, so they need to bear some uncertainties and can't see the essence of things at once. Premature judgment and analysis is also a kind of defense, so we should focus on listening to the visitors' speeches, so as to better understand the potential motivation in psychotherapy.
Oppose blaming parents for children's problems.
There is a view in society that children have problems, not children's problems, but parents' problems Because parents have problems, so do children. If children have problems, they should be treated by their parents or at home. I don't agree with this statement. Don't look at the problem from the perspective of blaming your parents. When I invited my parents to participate in family therapy, I said that you have made a lot of efforts and suffered a lot in the process of raising children. You're the ones who are most upset about the child's problems. If you come to work with the therapist, it will be the greatest help to the child, because you are the most important person to the child. I call this problem-solving orientation. He advocates not to pursue responsibility, but to pay attention to who has the solution and resources to solve the problem.
Let's not put our parents on trial. When a person is judged and criticized, the most important job in his heart is to explain what he has done, not to change. When a person explains his behavior, he is actually consolidating his beliefs and staying away from the focus of change. When we focus on how to help children and who is most helpful to them, the focus will shift to how to promote change.
Many people do family therapy, in fact, they are only doing parents' criticism meetings and parents' reform meetings, and they are too busy defending themselves to concentrate on proposing effective change plans. This family therapy must be cited.
Don't run away from yourself in society.
The position in the real society is very important for the growth of consultants. Many young consultants neglected their position in the social rules system and soon entered the post of consultant. We do consultation to help visitors better adapt to society. If the counselor himself escapes from society, there will be many problems in consultation.
No occasion, no professional knowledge.
After studying psychoanalysis, you will learn a lot of evil parts of human nature, but some words can't be said in public or told to your lover at home. They won't understand you and will be disgusted.
We must not be too poor, and we must have certain capital and resources.
Psychological counseling should not be too poor. If you are too poor materially, you will be down and out spiritually, so you can't help visitors. If you are subconsciously poor and desperately want to draw visitors to do cases, which is not good in your own rules system and is not recognized, then you can't give help, guidance and support. We help visitors adapt to society by finding ourselves, which is the fundamental starting point, so we must have certain capital and resources.
We can't copy western theories and viewpoints.
Western therapy emphasizes individualism, and individual therapy is to help visitors separate from their families. China is different. China people are characterized by staying at home, and family ties are the safest relationship. When they return to their families, they can feel at ease. This is a huge difference between China and the West. Although consultation is westernized now, we should consider the characteristics of China people.
Big coffee is also an ordinary person.
Made a mistake and was criticized.
In the process of sorting out, I found that many big coffees have publicly exposed their past falls on the road of career growth, or have been criticized for their lack of ability. It is very courageous for a person to confess his shortcomings. I also extract these. I hope more psychological counselors on the road can learn from the successful experience of big coffee and face up to their own shortcomings. This is also a very important place worth learning.
The emotional sensibility of big coffee has also been questioned.
(Zhang Haiyin) During the first five days of training in Durban, we were held back. German teachers attach great importance to the impressions and feelings of first-time visitors. It is difficult for us to understand whether the counselor likes, hates, dislikes or has no feelings for the visitors, because we emphasize rational analysis, diagnosis and treatment, and it is difficult to understand this feeling. Moreover, doctors are always patient-centered. We are not used to this model and feel that we will be demoted if we can't get out. The second training repeated the first content and felt our own emotional experience when interacting with visitors. This training made us realize the importance of emotional experience, because it is a particularly important part of perceiving empathy, anti-empathy and subconscious feelings. We should open our feelings instead of making rational judgments with our heads.
The teacher asked us how you felt, and my translation at that time (Li Xiaosi) was how you felt. But many people's answer is that this person is suffering from loss of points. This person suspects that others are talking about him. This person has a declining will and no self-control. When I translated this answer directly, the teacher was obviously dissatisfied. Then the teacher asked you how you felt. But the students' answers are still not emotional reactions and feelings, but thinking and judging. After these collisions, I realized that the best translation should be what is your feeling? The feeling here refers to the emotional level, not the consciousness level, not the thinking level.
Others were persuaded to retreat.
Teacher Huck from Durban, Germany gave us supervision training and experienced it for ourselves. I remember giving me personal experience, but I was disappointed at one time, saying that I was not suitable for dynamic therapy, but more suitable for cbt? This sentence made me very depressed, but I didn't give up. On the contrary, I took this sentence as an encouragement.
I can't keep visitors.
In the process of my self-experience, the analyst gave me the feeling that I was as cold as ice. He seldom talks, smokes cigars and basically doesn't respond to me. As a result, I treated my initial visitors with this attitude, and after several treatments, they all ran away. Later, I asked them why they left, and the answer was too cold.
I made all the mistakes.
At first, I (Xue Wei) didn't master the method, groped by myself, made all possible mistakes, didn't conform to the consulting principle, didn't have a clear theme, didn't set it, and didn't know how to understand others.
I've been down and out once.
(Zhang Tianbu) I take part in various activities, make friends with all kinds of people, and want to earn a little fame in the Jianghu so that someone can come to see me. Sometimes I'm so busy that I forget to eat and sleep, and then others can't stand it and have to take me to dinner. At this time, I realized that I might be trying too hard. Since then, I have been paying attention to my health while doing things.
This article is organized from
My road to psychotherapy
Author:? Shi et al.
Publishing House: China Zhigong Publishing House
Release time:? 20 18 March?