The blind date always sends messages after I go to bed. What if I can't communicate?

I have known my blind date for three or four months. At first, we came together because of the same interests. We both like each other, but not very strongly. Recently, the mode of getting along is very strange. He always sends me messages after I go to bed. What if you don't like this way of communication?

Emotional counseling:

Female: 25-year-old, with medium face value and no breakdown. She is from Shanghai and has a car, a house and no loan. Master's degree, returned to China for employment because I found a job status in the United States, before tax 1 10,000, after tax 8500, financial analysis of foreign companies.

Male: I'm 26 years old, and my height and figure are ok. I just have purple pustules on my face, which affects my face value. Count it 3-4. A native of Shanghai, with a house, no car and no loan. Undergraduate course, the monthly income before tax is more than mine, and there are often subsidies after the task.

To sum up, I am slightly higher than him in face value education, family conditions, my own economic situation and social status, and his job stability is higher than mine. We have known each other for about three or four months. At first, we shared many languages because of the same hobbies.

My blind date and I should both like each other, but not very strongly. After a month, the relationship was a little weak, but he confessed to me that what he liked about me was just a little afraid of me.

We decided to get to know each other better. During the period, I occasionally invited to eat and watch movies, without physical contact. In the past month, he said that he thought our relationship was strange and he wanted to take care of himself. I was disturbed by his unpredictability, and I didn't contact him for a few days. Then he sent me a screenshot, and it was after I fell asleep.

The next day, I also confided my heart, and then we got along happily for a while. Both sides are active, but there is still no physical contact. The activities are still dinner and movies.

Yesterday, I was supposed to make an appointment today, but I suddenly stood him up. He came again and left a message after I fell asleep. I don't like his way of communication very much. The next day, I apologized for the pigeon again and told him. He said it was because he didn't want to quarrel with me. I feel very confused.

I want to ask, is it strange to get along with each other? How can we build a further relationship? Now I feel that I often can't understand what he is thinking. I am inclined to communicate, but every time he confides unilaterally after I sleep.

The global Ivy League emotional tutor replied:

I have two suggestions for you:

1, learn to understand why the blind date will send you such a long message after you sleep.

There is a simple reason. Such people are actually very thoughtful. He likes to think about many things and is afraid of being interrupted. He used such a long description because he wanted to express his ideas completely. Looking at your's chat records, we can actually see that there are many negatives or even negatives in your chat. For example, you say "the way to know is wrong" and "I think you are depressed and stressed".

In other words, he can say "allergic to girls" by building a defense, and he can't say anything else. And he can send you a long joke to express his thoughts after you sleep, but he can't tell you what he thinks in the center of daily life at all. This is a phenomenon in the communication between the two of you. Then accept him and let him talk about him.

2. Speak less/write more and meet more. You talked with him in the letter, but basically the words didn't convey the meaning.

Neither of you can express your thoughts just by chatting with each other. Let's keep our feet on the ground. If we can meet, at least we can see each other's faces. Although you two may not have a strong ability to recognize and interpret expressions, it's better than chatting with letters and without rhyme or reason. And you are puzzled because you can't see the other person's expression and can't receive the correct information.

Similarly, he can't convey what he wants to express correctly, because you stood him up, and he can't understand why you suddenly have something, but no matter what happens, it must be more important than dating him.

It's easy to talk without standing, only the order of importance. When everyone says they don't have time, they are actually expressing "this matter is not important." So, the fact that you stood him up is that he is not important enough, and other things are more important.

Then how to express it? Only face to face. Besides, only when he faces you face to face can he know why you stood him up.

In short, talk less/believe more, especially for people like you who have no rich emotional experience. Perceive each other's emotions by meeting more often, and there will be a greater chance to enhance the relationship between the two sides.