In fact, she has reached marriageable age, but her parents don't want her to get married early, thinking that she can share the burden for her family for a few more years and help her brother a little more. Today, she came to see me again and said that her mother wanted her year-end bonus to be given to the younger generation at home. In fact, the lucky money given by two nephews of my brother's family costs two thousand yuan for each child. The cost actually fell on her head. When she heard what her mother said, she couldn't believe it.
"They bought a house for my brother, brought a baby to my brother, tied me up, deprived me of my rest day, and asked me to send lucky money to my two nephews. They just pretend to give so much lucky money every time. I ended up paying the bill.
Do you know why they have no money to ask me for lucky money? It's ridiculous, because I'm going to buy another house for my brother. They won't buy me a house now, and they won't in the future. They have the same ability or not, and they won't take care of my children. At most, when I have children, they will take them back to my mother's house. They're just having fun. So, why should I? "
I told her that there was no need to be so disgusted. Everyone is selfish, and parents are human. It's good to have parents to rely on, but if it's not reliable, forget it and live your own life. I didn't make it very clear at the time. What I really want to tell her is that since everyone is selfish, you can allow yourself to be selfish.
You have to believe that why people sometimes have so many troubles is actually hurt by selflessness. Square face is not to teach everyone to be selfish, but sometimes others are selfish to you. Why be selfless to others? What kind of reward can you get for your selflessness? I don't want to come.
If you try to get a reward through selfless behavior, it is even more stupid, because you know from the beginning that this is a luxury, so why cling to it. Thinking too much only adds to your trouble.
Actually, "selfishness" is not necessarily a bad thing. I also told Xiaozi about my family. Although she knows that I am an only child, she doesn't know that my father is a broad-minded person. He is in his fifties, with savings and demolition money in his hand, and he is ready to retire.
The money, even to me, is worthless. Even if I was going to buy a house in a big city, he didn't intend to help me out with a penny. My mother has always called him a "selfish old man", but I'm really not angry at all.
He knows that he can't help me, and even if he does, he can't help me much, and he is also worried about providing for the elderly, so he cares about himself and doesn't let me increase my burden, which is actually the greatest help to me. I think so, and I think he may be like this. If you can help each other, if you are willing to help, it is naturally good, but if you can't, then take care of yourself separately and don't become a burden to each other. This is the best. With her, I think so, too Since no one hurts, love yourself. No one is qualified to ban such selfish indulgence.
If you don't love yourself, but you love others selflessly, no matter who they are, I advise you not to do so. Put the cart before the horse. Only by learning to love yourself can we love others better. This is the normal order. In fact, although it is painful to encounter such a situation, it is not difficult to solve it. If the other person asks you to be selfless and says you are selfish, you can completely ignore it, because such behavior is a generous reward for their shameless. There is no such thing as a fool's talent. Your mouth and legs are your own. What can they do to you? The point is, you have to think for yourself.
Zhou Lian is a girl who wants to open her heart. She and I have almost the same growing experience. When she was a child, her own brother was a hot potato. At that time, it was not a shortage of materials, but that the people were generally not rich.
In fact, their home is still good. My father is a cook, and there is never a lack of food at home. Zhou Lian's brother has also been abroad, eaten foreign fast food and played on the merry-go-round.
But this has nothing to do with Zhou Lian. Zhou Lian didn't know about it until much later. At that time, her father was working in other places, her mother followed, and she and her brother were fostered at her grandmother's house.
During the winter and summer vacations, my brother was received by my parents, and Zhou Lian wanted to go, but he was rejected every time. Every time, the reason is very similar. Zuo is just that she is too young to bear the fatigue of the journey, so she didn't take her. In fact, she and her brother are only three years apart, only four or five years old. When she was seven or eight years old, her brother could go, but she was not allowed to go.
My brother went on a trip, and she saw it from the photos he brought back. She was also very sour in her heart. She once called her parents and cried, but every time she was changed the subject, or perfunctory, saying that she was still young and would naturally take her when she was older. Perhaps in the eyes of parents, Zhou Lian will always be a child, so until the age of 29, Zhou Lian's parents didn't keep their promises.
In fact, this is a very small thing, but Zhou Lian has always remembered it. He has remembered it for half his life and may remember it for a lifetime. Maybe being with her parents is really insignificant, but it is a top priority for her. It also made her understand for the first time after she was sensible. Although she and her brother are siblings, they are different in the eyes of their parents. This happened many times when she was growing up. At first, she was disgusted with it, but later she began to be happy.
It was the unfairness of her parents that made her mature early and understood the importance of relying on herself. She works hard, but in fact, her parents don't have any great requirements for her schoolwork, and they don't care much. She did well in the exam, at best, it was verbal praise. She didn't do well in the exam and was not scolded.
Zhou Lian's parents still believe that reading and writing is enough for a girl, and she doesn't expect to achieve much at all. But she is very demanding of herself. She should study hard and strive to get ahead. At first, it was to let her parents see her Excellence, but when she found her parents indifferent, she began to do it entirely for herself.
In fact, Zhou Lian is not a gifted child, but she has a strong spirit in her chest and a strong energy in her body. She must let her parents know that a useless girl is better than a boy. She studies hard at school and never dares to slack off. In college, other girls were busy dating, dressing up and chasing plays every day. Only when she goes in and out of the library every day does she come back after dark.
Just for this matter, she was once isolated by the girls in the dormitory and thought she was pretentious and unsociable. She is also a person who doesn't like to explain more and has been misunderstood for a long time. It was not until the girls in the dormitory learned about her family situation that they gradually eased their relationship and understood her.
Zhou Lian is really too strong. She worked hard to get promoted at work and accomplished an inhuman overload. Finally, she was appreciated by the person in charge. Later, she was promoted to the project leader, and her salary also increased by leaps and bounds. Zhou Lian is 29 years old, but she is afraid of falling in love. She is afraid that falling in love will affect her work, and even more afraid of her family. After all, in her life, the warmth brought by her family is really pitiful.
Her junk brother, eccentric parents, grandparents who prefer boys to girls, although she doesn't describe the past very much, it is enough to see that this family has a deep influence on this girl.
She doesn't intend to fall in love or get married, so today, she saved enough money to buy herself a small apartment, even though it's not big, but she finally has a home. Buying a house is a big deal, and she is also a little ostentatious. She told her parents about it on the phone, saying that she had taken care of the house and would move in immediately after paying the money in two days. The apartments are all decorated, so it's convenient to bring a wrap.
As a result, her parents immediately stopped her and advised her not to buy a house. "Girl, you silly, you are a girl's house, what room to buy? Buying a house is a man's business. When you get married, you will naturally have a house. If you buy it now, you'll be cheaper to outsiders after you get married. Why? You should think more about yourself. If you encounter a calculation, there will be nothing. "
This is also reasonable and has Zhou Lian's consideration. She can't help but feel a little touched and really start thinking again. As a result, her parents turned to ideas. "If you want to buy, it is not impossible. It's true that the house is preserved, but you really don't need it. After buying it, you might as well help your brother first.
You know, your brother should get married, too. This marriage can't be worse. But your sister-in-law wants a lot of bride price, and our family really can't afford the house and car. It would be enough if we could put the money together. "Parents are still in a few words to persuade, Zhou Lian directly" pa "just hang up the phone, and then directly turn off the phone, sitting alone for a long time.
"I hung up the phone at that time, slapped myself and called myself stupid. Thanks to such a big meal, I haven't learned my lesson yet. Every time they do this, I still look forward to them. The last time my brother had an accident, they immediately came to me and asked me for 200 thousand. You didn't tell me anything when you asked. Later, the goods went out to gamble, ran out of money and ran away. People came to me and tried to take off his fingers. My parents kept it a secret and paid him a lot of money, but he kept teaching and making mistakes. Only then did they find it at home.
I still didn't make up my mind. I gave them hundreds of thousands one after another and asked someone to find a job for my brother. They really are, good things don't come to me, bad things come to me. Ever since I was a kid ... what can I say? "
Zhou Lian this time, really hard. She finally achieved today's achievements and finally had a family. For her own life, she doesn't want to be soft-hearted and live with herself. On the afternoon of the phone call, her parents explicitly hinted at her relationship with her brother several times and immediately decided that she should buy a house without waiting for a moment.
She immediately took the money and paid the house price decisively. In a few days, she built the house. By the time her parents found out, she had already moved into the house, which completely shattered her family's delusion. Her parents said she was selfish, and she didn't care: "Selfishness is selfishness?" Who is not selfish? Did you consider me when you asked me to help my brother buy a house? Aren't you selfish? That's ridiculous. "He was angry with his parents and said on the spot that he would break off relations with Zhou Lian. As a result, he was told: "If you are willing to give me this free ATM, then break it. "
Parents can't help it after buying a house. After all, Zhou Lian is not the little girl she used to be. She has the ability to buy the best toys and travel around the world, but no matter what she gets or what she can't get, she won't have that urgent desire anymore. Do you think Zhou Lian is selfish? I think she must be, but did she do something wrong? I don't think so.
If selfishness is a mistake, everyone in Zhou Lian's family has made a mistake. If selfishness is not a mistake, then everyone is not wrong. All wrong or all right, what's the difference? Selfishness or selflessness is for people, not for things.
If Zhou Lian's parents are not selfish, then Zhou Lian will naturally not only consider himself, regardless of his family, but also have kinship and blood relationship, so it is natural to help each other. But Zhou Lian's parents are selfish, so how can they ask Zhou Lian to be selfless? Who is qualified to ask Zhou Lian to be selfless?
My youngest daughter, Zhou Lian, was selfishly asked to give and selflessly asked not to give anything in return. Why? Why not? The relationship between people has never been maintained by one party. The result of unilateral demands and unilateral efforts will eventually lead to the collapse of relationships, the breakdown of feelings, and even the breakdown of family ties. When you ask for something, think more about what you have paid, otherwise, don't say it easily, so as not to bring shame to yourself.