As the saying goes, Fiona Fang cannot be achieved without rules. Without rules to restrain freedom, people will lose control of the future, which also means insecurity. For example, without traffic rules, we will lose control of safe driving and personal safety will not be guaranteed, and so will the baby's small world.
Freedom doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want. The premise of freedom is a high degree of self-discipline. Therefore, rule education is not to restrain children as parents think, but to slowly cultivate children's self-discipline ability. Only when a person has certain self-management ability can he be qualified and have the ability to dominate his own life.
Parents can give their children "absolute freedom" within the scope of the rules, which will give them "absolute right to choose independently", which is also the basis for shaping independent personality. Parents should understand that being obedient and sensible does not mean obeying the rules, but only shows that children know how to obey, and obeying the rules emphasizes the process of internalization. Only by leaving supervision can we achieve true independence.
Learning to punish children is also punishment, which is an important part of rule education. Only when parents punish them properly can they effectively help children establish a sense of responsibility and let them learn to bear the consequences and be responsible for their actions.
Parents should know what their children really need. What children need is to explore the law of survival in a regular life, so that they can truly adapt to and integrate into society.
Many parents do not pay attention to the law of children's psychological development when making rules for their children, so that there are many contradictions with their children when educating them, and even affect the parent-child relationship. At this time, parents will begin to doubt whether the sentence "rules are conducive to children's development" is correct.
In fact, it is not the rules that are wrong, but the parents who make the rules. For example, parents say to their one-year-old baby, "Eating your hands is a bad habit. You should quit, and your mother will beat you if you eat your hands again!" " "Obviously, this sentence is beyond the baby's understanding ability. But the mother's idea is: because the baby broke the rules, I will punish him!
The baby's understanding may be: I did something that made me comfortable, but my mother hit me. I don't know why, so I cried. When children and parents have different ideas, how can there be no contradiction?
If the starting point of parents when making rules is "parents", in the long run, a problem will inevitably arise, that is, the rules are very arbitrary. Because parents' tolerance for the same behavior will be influenced by many external factors, such as environment and mood. So that there is no uniform standard, which will make children feel confused. Where is the boundary?
Therefore, parents should define the boundaries of rules according to the "nature" of behavior. I believe that most parents have experienced the battle at the dinner table. The baby will play with food, watch cartoons, and let parents chase after him ... When parents have enough energy to confront him, they will stick to the rules of eating: if you don't eat, you can eat after the table. I don't want to eat while watching cartoons.
But when we need something to eat, we will show him cartoons to calm him down ... this is the way most parents educate.
On the one hand, this practice is to have enough time to help children understand and remember the rules, on the other hand, it is also based on the consideration of the definition of the rules. Rules cannot be called rules if they are not made in advance.
Because it is unfair to the executors of the rules, they don't know that this kind of behavior is not allowed before breaking the rules. Therefore, parents should tell their children the rules in advance before educating them.
Family members have the same attitude towards the rules: don't be educated by parents, but be spoiled by grandparents. Persevere in dealing with the same thing, of course, the key to parenting is to manage yourself! Parents are imitations of children's childhood. When parents want to break the rules, they may be confused: Why can't parents obey the rules?
In the long run, it is actually much more difficult to correct yourself than to educate children. There is no doubt that the rules cannot be changed easily. If parents have the privilege of "changing the rules at will", it shows that parents don't respect the rules enough, and subconsciously think that the rules are made for children. Slowly, children will begin to disrespect the rules.
Moreover, parents should also understand that the original intention of making rules is to help children develop strong self-discipline and self-control and master the key to social life, rather than clinging to the rules and regulations themselves.
Rules, if not followed by approval, will lose more than half of their meaning. However, small-month-old babies have limited understanding ability, and sometimes they may only understand the literal meaning. Then parents can focus on the baby's habit formation and regular life when the baby is young, and focus on establishing the awareness of rules, instead of blindly taking punishment measures. Let the baby know that life has boundaries! It also lays a foundation for the smooth development of systematic "rule education" in the next stage.
General statements will confuse them. For example, tell your child, "Clean up the house after the game!" "This kind of instruction is very broad. What is clean? Adults have different standards. It is better to change it to "put the toys in the storage box after the game" and clearly tell the baby when to do what. At the same time, parents can adopt some living scenes when making rules for their children, because the cognitive characteristics of infants and young children determine that their learning experience must be "concrete". The content of learning out of life is too abstract for them to understand.
When the baby is washing, you say to the baby, "_ have breakfast later, eat it all, and there can't be leftovers." The baby may not have heard it at all, or he may have nodded perfunctorily. It is better to wait until he really has leftovers: "Honey, you can't leave the table until you finish all the dishes." This is why the rules for small-month-old babies are mainly behavioral habits and life rules, because they are closely related to daily life and are very suitable for drawing a clear line.
Older babies have a deeper understanding of rules than younger babies, so parents can consider systematic rules education, including how to make rules, how to implement rules, and punishment measures. If in the last stage, parents don't help their babies to form good habits and establish basic awareness of rules, you will find it difficult to implement the rules and regulations at this stage. Because rules made to correct bad habits often cause "conflicts".
From simple to complex: With the enhancement of understanding ability, the content of rules need not be simple instructions. Sentences such as "under what circumstances, what conditions can be met and what can be done" are understandable. Besides the more complicated sentence structure, the content of rules can also be more inclined to character cultivation and personality shaping.
Made by parents to * * *: let the baby; Participate in the rule-making process that can flexibly grasp the scale and explain his reasons. For example, you can eat snacks one day a week, but this day depends on your baby. When the baby feels "fairness and equality", the rules are no longer the shackles of "only parents benefit", and they will naturally accept and abide by the rules. Moreover, as a rule maker (or * * * as a rule maker), he is more responsible and willing to abide by the rules than simply as a rule executor.
Everyone is the same. Only by agreeing with the rules from the heart can we abide by the rules spontaneously and consciously. If parents are forced to obey the rules, or are afraid of being punished, then once parents leave, children will naturally violate the rules. Therefore, how to make rules become the inner needs of children is probably the most difficult task for parents to overcome. Parents can refer to these experiences:
One-month-old baby (0-3y)*** situation, and provide a clear solution.
Parents can properly express their feelings and thoughts from the child's point of view and express their understanding. Parents' understanding will make the rules more acceptable to the baby. At any time, parents should not stand on the opposite side of their children, and the process of implementing rules is no exception. Provide a clear solution: some of the baby's wrong behaviors are just because they don't know how to solve this problem. For example, when you meet a favorite toy, you will grab it with children and may even hit people. At this time, you can tell your baby that it is wrong to steal other people's toys. Can we try to exchange toys with the children? He doesn't want to, so shall we have fun waiting for him? After one or two successful problem-solving experiences, children will agree with this law.
Older babies (over 3 years old)
On the basis of * * * feelings, it is very important for babies of any age to explain * * * feelings in combination with the meaning of rules, and because older babies already have quite strong logical thinking ability, parents can explain to him the reasons for making rules. For example, brushing your teeth is to protect your teeth. If you have no teeth, you can't eat your favorite yogurt any more. Tell them to follow the rules to protect themselves.
Pre-judgment review rules: If the baby has certain behaviors that violate the rules for the upcoming scene, parents can explain to the baby in advance and discuss the content and significance of the rules. For example, when eating out, parents can tell their baby on the way that we are going to eat later and we have decided not to do anything. (Can't run) Why can't you run? Because it will knock over vegetables and burn.
Positive praise and positive reinforcement for the baby's behavior of obeying the rules: Memories with strong emotions are always impressive, whether positive or negative. Strengthening the baby's positive emotions will make him remember the correct behavior and may do it in this direction in the future.
Meet the situation: some needs can be met in a timely and appropriate manner.
Proper satisfaction of parents can make children feel the most direct love. After all, it is not so easy for parents to enforce the rules. It is ok to let children relax once in a while. Just make an exception and make it clear to the children. Why can we make an exception this time? What does he need to meet to make an exception?
On holidays, the baby wants to eat two more sweets and play for a while, which is really nothing. But parents can tell their baby that if you eat too much sugar, your teeth will be broken. Without good teeth, you can't eat your favorite food any more.
Of course, this satisfaction is based on "reasonable reasons", and it is not arbitrary, let alone controlled by children. Children can never find the trick to control their parents.
Saving the country by curve: at the beginning of the implementation of the rules, it is normal to violate the rules, but as long as the purpose of obeying the rules can be achieved in the end, the methods and methods can be flexible.
Sometimes, you can let your baby make his own choices. For example, when a child finishes playing with toys, you can say to the child, "Did you clean up by yourself? Or do you need mom to help you clean up? " In short, it is necessary to pack toys, not continue to play with toys. This is really a good choice for the baby, and it is very helpful for the baby to remember this behavior. The next time the baby finishes playing with toys, he may automatically put them away, and time will turn all this into a habit.
Accept punishment: If the above two methods are not applicable, what should parents do when the baby insists on not obeying the rules? Do you want to criticize the children loudly?
No, absolutely not, but ask the baby calmly, "Why are you doing this?" Then you can tell your child some consequences, such as "what if you do this?" Are you sure you want to do it again? " If the baby still insists on violating the rules after hearing this, then parents can also let the baby accept the consequences!
For example, if you don't touch a cup filled with hot water, it will burn as soon as you touch it; Some are punitive measures. As soon as the toy is thrown away, he will be punished to clean it up by himself. Of course, appropriate punishment is also conducive to the establishment of rules.
The baby is unwilling to obey the rules and accept punishment, but resists in his own way. Like crying. What should we do?
First of all, parents should make it clear that they should not change the rules without reasonable reasons. But I have to say that it is not easy for adults to abide by the rules, and it is understandable that children are unwilling to abide by them, so they will continue to test their parents' bottom line in their own way. Once they master the method of modifying the rules, they will begin to control their parents slowly.
If the child is emotional, parents can do this: for example, let him vent first and cry enough before continuing to talk about "rules."
In fact, everyone must have had this experience: if something is not done well, there will be some negative emotions more or less. When these negative emotions accumulate together, they may suddenly erupt, and then the emotions will be out of control. At this time, no one will listen to the truth, but after venting their emotions, they will calm down and clear their minds. For the baby, it is actually the same.
Do the right thing: express affirmation and appreciation. Wrong: 1, let the baby say what's going on? What did mom do? Why did mom do this? 2. How do you want to solve similar problems in the future? You can say a few more plans. Parents can also provide some solutions for their babies at this time.
Many times, if a mother doesn't control her emotions well, she can generously admit her mistakes with her children. In this way, she can calm the child and herself down, and also let the child better understand the rules. At the same time, we also have the courage to face up to our wrong behavior. It needs to be strengthened and repeated again and again, so that obeying the rules will gradually become your way of life.
If there is a contradiction in the process of establishing rules. Parents should also reflect, not just because of children. Sometimes, in the process of making their own rules, they may not follow the baby's development law, or they may not explain the rules to their children in advance before implementing them.
1. safety: obey the traffic rules and don't run the red light. ...
2. Health: Wash your hands before going home and brush your teeth before going to bed. ...
3. Living habits: Please return your belongings. ...
4. Etiquette: table manners: please finish the rice in the bowl ... Social etiquette: ask the owner's permission before using other people's things, say thank you for getting others' help, apologize for causing harm or influence to others, learn to wait and learn to refuse. ..
5. Care for the public environment: Don't litter in public places ... # Baby Health Classroom # # Breeze Plan #