An Zi is sitting in the living room, wiping her hair with a big towel. She doesn't remember not talking in the dormitory for several days. From that day on, she had a big fight with her roommate in the supermarket and went out despondently, as if it had been a long time.
I went to the supermarket with my roommate that day and went shopping again and again, only buying some necessities. The so-called necessities are daily necessities, and I didn't even want to buy meat. Seeing the dazzling array of goods in the supermarket, I really want to put them in my shopping cart, pick them up and put them down, just watching.
My roommate, an old cat, couldn't bear it any longer and said, "An Zi, I've been wanting to talk about you for a long time. Why are you so stingy? Not that you have no money. You have a hard time every day. You can buy whatever you want. Why are you so petty? "
"Yes, me too. Every time I see you like this, I feel particularly sad. I'm not saying that your money is too tight. " Roommate Xiaoyu also echoed.
An Zi smiled shyly and said, "I'm going there to buy some soy sauce. Go shopping. " After leaving, An Zi didn't know what to say, but felt very sad.
An Zi bought soy sauce and went to them, but she didn't see it, so she decided to pay first.
"What can I say about her? Everything else is fine, except that she is too petty. " "What, she just got home. Last time she helped me get a courier, a dollar, and asked me what I wanted. " "Yes, she usually calculates very clearly and won't suffer, and whoever gives her something, she will return it immediately, feeling very afraid of owing others." "I really can't stand her personality." "I can't accept it a bit. Just don't touch so much." "But if we live together, we will definitely contact. I really don't know if I can ... "
"An Zi." The old cat interrupted the little fish and shouted. They finally saw An Zi, and saw her standing there in tears, her eyes full of disbelief.
"An Zi, we, uh, that ..." The old cat didn't know how to explain it.
After calculating the account, An Zi left without looking back. The old cat quickly grabbed her and said, "I'm sorry." An Zi didn't say anything. "I'm sorry, or what?" The fish can't help but say.
"Yes, I am stingy, I am stingy, so what? Did I spend you a penny? You, always ask me to send you a courier. Do you know how many times I have brought it to you? And you, let me help you pay 20 yuan for takeout the first time we met. Did you pay me back? Did I ask you to spend a dime for me? Why are you being sarcastic? Do I owe you? " The last sentence, An Zi is with a roar.
An Zi also felt that he was making a mountain out of a molehill. They have not been like this for a day, and they are not the only ones who say this. They can usually laugh it off. Just that day, I suddenly lost my head.
An Zi heard the sound of high heels in the stairwell, turned off the light at the speed of light and sneaked into his room. Soon, An Zi heard their voices in the living room. An Zi was lying in the dark, staring at the ceiling overhead. It was already dark.
Late at night, the cry of Ann came from the bed, which was painful and depressing.
"This is a terrible day." Yes, for Anzi, who is extremely afraid of cold, winter has come and the worst day is near.
Winter came, plants withered, and An Zi trapped himself on an island. She can't get out, and she doesn't know how to let others in. She can only come and go alone.
I just hold my warmth.
An Zi drank some wine and ran to the living room drunk and shouted, "Come out, everyone."
The old cat and the little fish came out of the room, wondering what An Zi was going to do. Look at her and say, "You're drunk. Go into the house and sleep. " Anzi took them and wouldn't let them go. "I'm not drunk. I'm telling you, I'm stingy, and I don't want to, but I feel insecure without money. I'm scared and crazy. "
Anzi is really stingy. On weekdays, he is not afraid to spend money until he leaves the second door. I'm afraid of spending money if I don't look at clothes or buy movies. Is it the love of money? Yes, it is the love of money, and it is also to hold on to what she thinks is a lifeline.
An Zi's family is very simple, including father, mother, sister, brother and An Zi.
Until Anzinian Primary School, he was fostered in his grandmother's house, because his parents didn't want An Zi, but his younger brother. After An Zi entered junior high school, it was difficult for his mother to give birth to a younger brother.
My sister is going out to work. After having a younger brother, I need help from home to get An Zi back.
On the day he left, An Zi held his grandfather's neck and wept bitterly, but he didn't escape the fate of being taken away.
From then on, An Zi felt that his life had become particularly long and full of suffering.
An Zi's father is an alcoholic. When he is drunk, he will keep cursing and sometimes attack An Zi, because only An Zi can't please him and won't even call his parents.
At that time, my mother was busy feeding pigs and An Zi was feeding my brother. The father went over and reached out to tease his son. Brother smiled. An Zi was anxious to go to school, so he said, "Don't tease him. I can go to school after he finishes eating. " "What's so important about going to school?" Dad held a toy and waved it in front of his brother, who giggled brilliantly. "I really don't have time. I will give it to you. " An Zi was in a hurry to leave, so he reached out and sent his brother out. Dad didn't answer, my brother fell down, his nose was red, and my brother cried with a cry.
Dad stretched out his hand and picked up his brother, conveniently carrying An Zi walked into the house, An Zi screamed, "what are you doing? I'm going to school. I am going to be late. " "I won't let you go. I wonder if you can go today? " Said, and locked the door. An Zi shouted inside, "I'm going to school. Let me out. " An Zi heard his coming mother say, "What's this for? Let the children go to school. " "Today, I won't open the door. I dare you to let her go. " "Ok, don't let her go." An Zi's heart is cold, and her mother dare not argue with her father.
That night, An Zi was released and allowed to eat. An Zi peeled the noodles brought by her mother like an evil ghost, and her tears fell. She turned her head and shook off her mother's palm on her head. She blamed her mother for failing to protect herself.
Since then, Anzi has become much more docile and never contradicted his father again.
An Zi once wanted to escape from all this and went to grandma's house to complain to her. Her grandmother hugged her and wept bitterly. But after dinner, grandma asked her mother to take An Zi back.
When I left, grandma prepared many delicious foods for An Zi, but An Zi didn't take any. An Zi couldn't understand why grandma didn't want her. Why did grandma kick her out?
After graduating from high school, An Zi lived on campus on the pretext that he was nervous about his studies and would never go back until he was at the end of his rope. Dad often points to An Zi's nose and says, "I don't think it's useful to raise you as a baiwenhang." No matter what dad said, Anzi kept silent.
An Zi will always remember the day when his mother said, "You should learn smarter and more rationally. Your grandmother is too old to take care of you. You will need money to go to school in the future. Your mother is useless and can't help you. You have to learn to bow to your father, you know? "
Every time you pay your tuition, you have to go through 81 difficulties to get it, and An Zi will never forget that feeling of humiliation.
After work, An Zi never takes money from home, and the poor man doesn't want money. She never wants to bow to her father again. In fact, stingy An Zi has never been so embarrassed.
"I don't want to, but what should I do? This is the case. " Then I cried. The old cat and the small fish sat there, each with a glass of beer, smashing into a complicated taste.
The cold wind whistling outside the window, three girls drunk in the living room, staged a group of magic dances.
3. Is it easy to find a man?
Anzi woke up early, but refused to get up. I don't have the courage to get up at the thought of crying and making noise last night. However, the warm sunshine came in, and the children's laughter came in. In such fine weather, I really want to go out and bask in the sun.
An Zi lay prone on the bed, thinking constantly, and heard his door jingle regularly. "An Zi, are you awake?" This is the voice of an old cat.
An Zi didn't speak.
"An Zi, are you up?" "Ding-ding, Ding-ding-dong ..." If there is an answer from the owner who knocks at the door, he is likely to give up.
"get up." An Zi casually put on a suit jacket and ran to open the door.
"Get up? Get up, let's go out. I thought you were drunk. " Fish said that she and the old cat stood at the door, looking at An Zi with a worried face.
"Why do you want to go?"
"Look at the handsome guy." The old cat and the small fish looked at each other.
"Ah?" An Zi a face of doubt, don't know which one is this?
"Don't you remember?" The old cat asked her eyebrows.
"..." Yes, how can I not? I just didn't expect to be taken seriously.
An Zi said, "I am very stingy. I know, I don't want to, but I can't help it. " ? I have nothing but myself. "
"Then why not find a man? With the object, you have everything. "
"Good, then you find one with me."
"Well, isn't this a joke?" It's hard to distract your attention from yesterday's scene.
"Yes, I'm kidding, but it's good to go out for a walk. By the way, if your head is big, please eat. " The fish said.
"hmm ...? "An Zi, she's a little uncomfortable. The thought of meeting someone makes her panic, but the weather outside is so good and the sunshine is so warm. More importantly, An Zi doesn't want to refuse.
"Where to?"
"A few friends got together and said let me bring some people. Very lively. " The old cat said.
"Wait for me 10 minutes, ok?" An Zi quickly washed his face, picked out a camel coat and jeans, and went out with them.
"The ancestors were right, there is no such thing as a free lunch." An Zi thinks. She felt very tired. The boy across the street has been talking for an hour. An Zi is sad, but she can't leave. Seeing the old cat and the small fish, their faces remained calm. An Zi felt heartfelt admiration.
It was very late that day, and An Zi got home as he wished. After taking a shower, she lay in the quilt and thought about things.
Once she had a "man". That's his senior in college, a gentle but never cowardly person.
He bought her warm soybean milk, accompanied her to the library to read books, told her tender love words, and bowed his head and kissed her clumsily under the dim street lamp. Falling in love with a senior is the most stable and happiest time for Anzi's soul. Senior always stands where An Zi turned his head, not far away. An Zi thinks that they will get married smoothly, have a child like her and him, and the three of them will lead a normal life.
But I'm still lost.
When An Zi saw his senior and senior walking together in the canteen, he was surprisingly calm. Without exception, An Zi also ushered in his own breakup season in the graduation season.
"An Zi, you can keep mine, Mingming." An Zi was crying in the middle of the night with news from Xue Changfa.
An Zi has nothing but love. In this city, there is no way to be the' pillar' of the senior, and there is no way to keep up with his footsteps, so let him go and set him free. Or, she just loves herself too much to love others like herself.
I learned that he was very happy and happy, and he finally did the right thing. After all, I can't give him the same happiness.
The old cat said, "It's easy to find a man." However, how can a person who is not happy himself give happiness to others, just like those who have no way to warm themselves, there is no way to warm others.
4. Smile and say goodbye.
When he returned to his hometown during the Spring Festival, An Zi found that his parents were old and their temples were white.
On the third day, I followed my mother to my grandmother's house. After seeing Anzi, grandma hugged her and refused to let go. Maybe when you grow up, you will become clingy like a child.
After dinner that day, grandma took her to talk a lot, until that year.
Grandma said to An Zi with tears in her eyes, "I can't help letting you go, and I don't want you to go, but you must go home and live with your parents. I didn't take anything with me when I left, and I haven't come back several times in these years. No wonder, I am sorry for you. "
"Also said that those who do? Everything is over, because An Zi is not sensible. " Mother said that she gave An Zi a white eye, which made the old man very sad.
Looking at grandma's gray hair, An Zi's mood became complicated. Looking back on the first half of my life, all my strength was spent on escape and anger. Is life really that bad?
Over the years, I have had enough to eat and wear warm clothes, never been displaced, never frustrated, obviously very ordinary, living an ordinary life like others.
It's an early bus when I go home, which is far from home. I had planned to stay at the station until dawn and then take the early bus back. Mom is very worried, saying that you are a girl and need to find a place to spend the night. It was cold outside when we left the station. An Zi walked through the crowd wrapped in a scarf and looked around. Finally, An Zi saw his father in many military green coats.
My father, wearing a black coat and a gray felt hat, was almost submerged in the crowd.
An Zi waved to him and shouted, "I'm here." Father's eyes sparkled and became dim. He reached for An Zi's luggage without saying a word.
An Zi looked at the man's back, still so high, but already bent. The man she once hated was her father, who took her back to that place called home in the cold wind.
My younger brother, who went to junior high school, has grown as tall as himself. He shook An Zi's arm and said, "Sister, you are back." Once, the life I hated so much had blossomed like a flower.
An Zi don't understand, life is so beautiful, why do you have to live so hard?
Looking at this room, smiling, obviously can be so happy.
Maybe one day, I will think like the lyrics:
Also learn from others and occasionally look at the past.
Only to find that tears are brighter than smiles.
There is always an article now.
There was a suspense ending yesterday.
It's amazing what's plain.
Those stronger than gold were broken.
Those images of the past have faded.
But the fragrance spreads to the future.
See how those sour, bitter and salty become sweet.
See how time is pruned into adulthood.
Finally, I can chat casually with memories.
For example, other people's plots
Wait until those sour, bitter and salty ones are really sweet.
Know how to say thank you to the past.
And everyone who can finally reconcile with themselves.
Smile and say goodbye to every dear passerby.
I thought I was moved, but I never became popular again.
I thought I was disdainful, but I missed it again and again.
Thought I couldn't get through.
Blinking is another brand-new day.
See how those sour, bitter and salty become sweet.
See how time is pruned into adulthood.
Finally, I can chat casually with memories.
For example, other people's plots
Wait until those sour, bitter and salty ones are really sweet.
Know how to say thank you to the past.
And everyone who can finally reconcile with themselves.
Smile and say goodbye to every dear passerby.
Maybe not too distant tomorrow, maybe she can say goodbye with a smile.