It is not despair for people like Luo Zijun to experience "the first half of my life". As a middle-aged housewife, it is despair for her husband to cheat and divorce, and it is not necessarily despair for Yulin parturient to bring a new life that has not yet been born. Even if it is an ordinary three meals a day, there will still be despair for no reason, but neither you nor I want to enlarge it and ask for trouble.
But in fact, I didn't encounter any obstacles during this period. My life seems calm and well-behaved. I left school and stepped into the society. I went to work alone, lived in a city, and when I returned to my residence, no one opened my heart to talk about my sufferings. I can only go to vent by myself, but my nameless anxiety and despair have always existed.
Let's talk about the work and life of these two months, which is actually a running account.
Go to the department at 7: 30 every morning, change the surgical gown every two or three times, sort out and check the consumables of the previous day, distribute the materials of the day, then stand and listen to the leader's speech, learn various rules and regulations, then take the patients into the operating room one after another, count the items, sign them, send them back to the ward, then have dinner at about1130, and send them to the operating rooms, and then prepare for the first time. Trivial matters can only be put off until six o'clock.
Imagine that you can run for almost ten hours a day and then repeat yesterday's steps the next day.
Two months have passed since this day. Once I worked overtime until 8 o'clock and took a bus back to my residence, so I couldn't help crying. I feel wronged, unwilling, helpless and sad. Only I know all this.
Is this life really what you want? I don't know why I am a dog every day. My first month's salary is just over 2,000, excluding rent, water, electricity and transportation.
I thought about quitting, but I did. Where should I go next? What can I do? What am I good at? What do you want to live in ten years? I don't think I can work in the clinic all my life. When I was in my thirties and early forties, I was afraid I was still doing the work ten or even twenty years ago. I don't want the rest of my life. I know this very well. I don't think I will quit my job or leave the hospital when all this is still up in the air.
When I went to medical school three years ago, I thought, if I don't work in a hospital, can I be comfortable in another job in another industry?
Maybe it's not a bad thing to enter clinical nursing after graduation, but I still see many things different from other industries in clinic. During liver transplantation, you can see that the living liver is as big as two hands open, which is another hope that life can be reborn. In thoracotomy, although people are unconscious, the heart beats strongly and rhythmically through the pericardium ... life can be instantaneous or eternal!
Last year 1 1 month, I worked as an intern in a 3A hospital in Guangzhou. At that time, it was the peak season for campus autumn recruitment. I thought I had the ability to find a better job in Guangzhou, but I didn't receive an interview notice from any work unit until the following year. In recent years, the requirements for employing people in hospitals have gradually increased. Obviously, undergraduate nursing graduates have become a hot potato for major hospitals, and as a college student on a rotten street, they don't even have the opportunity to interview. After thinking about it, I finally thought of "I don't want to leave my grandfather here", so I gave up the idea of continuing to look for a job in Guangzhou. Don't people often say "North to Guangzhou and Shenzhen" in graduation season? You can't stay in Guangzhou any longer. You have been there for three years, so go to Shenzhen!
In March, all hospitals in Shenzhen were searched, and hospitals with recruitment information called one by one to ask, and their mailboxes were not spared. A better big hospital depends on education, local hukou, height and background ... unfortunately, I don't have any of these hardware. A 6-meter-tall man never worries about being stuck by his height, but his education is a serious injury. In mid-June, after many twists and turns, I was finally lucky enough to be hired by a "big hospital" that has not yet been graded. My roommate Chu is not so lucky. The first interview was brushed off. In July, almost forty people in our class found a unit. A Chu was chased by the teacher of the Employment Office every day to find a job, and finally he was forced to find a relationship before he entered a hospital.
When I was still at school, people around me said that the employment prospects in the nursing industry were very good, and I didn't have to worry about finding a job in the future. The salary and benefits of working in a hospital were good. Only by personal experience can we know what people call "good" and "bad". It is really not difficult to find a job as a nurse, but it is not easy to find a job you like, especially in graduation season. Looking for a job is also like a blind date. "You value others, but others don't necessarily like you." It is not easy to be two of a kind.
Xiao Min changed careers as soon as she graduated. Because of her height, she didn't live in the hospital. She went to a company in the training industry in early May and lived a nine-to-five career life. Although she doesn't know whether the cubicle life is really stable in this world, she says she is satisfied with such a regular life.
Later I thought about where to work, not where to work. How can the world of adults be easy? After crossing the footbridge, you will always see someone setting up a stall. If you set up a stall in the wind and rain, you have to fight with the urban management every day to catch cats and mice, so that you will feel that a stable job is envied by many people. If you start a business and open a small restaurant in downtown, you will stay in that small street all your life. The vegetable market insists on setting up stalls every day and earning a few handfuls of vegetables. Are you going to spend the rest of your life like this?
It seems that I can't find the exit so far, so I feel desperate when I wake up in the morning. I feel that my life is meaningless, and I can even understand the relief of people with depression.
Many times, people are also a contradiction. Whenever this happens, I tell myself, "Nothing can be abandoned except life".