Speaker: Chen Limin, mother of two children, national second-class psychological counselor, national first-class vocational instructor, associate professor of Xingtai Vocational and Technical School, master of psychology.
Theme: Accompany children with wisdom and love, learn to be professional parents, cultivate excellent children and build a harmonious family.
As parents of children, we may not have learned systematic theory in educating children, but we all have practice and some experience. Besides, now that information is so developed, there are many ways to get information, which is also very convenient, so parents now have certain educational knowledge. The teacher hopes that everyone can listen to this lecture with an "empty cup" mentality, temporarily put down your original knowledge, do not discuss, do not argue, and exchange views later.
first part
Figure 1
Some people can see the girl's profile from the picture, some people can see the white-haired old lady from the picture, and some people can see the girl and the old lady.
Teacher's point of view: the picture in your eyes is different from the angle of observation. Your observation angle will affect your judgment.
What the teacher means is that in your eyes, children's shortcomings, such as stubbornness, procrastination, crying, introversion and so on. Looking at it from another angle may not be a disadvantage. For example, stubbornness means that children have ideas, and delay means that children are careful. Parents should pay more attention to the positive factors in their children's personality.
The teacher has repeatedly stressed that children are born with a blank sheet of paper, and because they live with you, they have these characteristics now. If you were in another family, you wouldn't have these characteristics.
Let me add: not only the observation angle will affect our judgment, but also the focus of observation will affect our judgment. The teacher mainly refers to the main part of the observation picture, while I pay more attention to the edges and corners. What I saw was the girl's Mao Mao collar.
the second part
About students with psychological problems.
The teacher listed the causes of four kinds of students' psychological problems with news and cases.
[If! SupportLists] 1, [endif] Children brought up from an early age tend to feel insecure.
[If! Support list ]2. [endif] Violent family. In particular, the violent tendencies of fathers will seriously affect children's behavior and psychology. I hit you for your own good. I like you, so I hit you It would be terrible if a child formed this logic. He can't express himself correctly, and he can't communicate with people normally. In the eyes of others, he is an alien.
[If! Support list ]3. [endif] When a child is 4-5 years old, the role of the father is very important. If the father's love is not in place or missing, the consequences will be serious.
[If! Support list ]4. [endif] Family relations are not harmonious, including the relationship between husband and wife, including the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Children cannot fully understand the adult world. In his view, they are all his closest relatives and important people. The contradiction between you will put him in a dilemma. You may not see it when you are young, but problems will gradually emerge after 18 years old.
12 years old is a hurdle, and parents can still give their children a normal education before 12 years old. 12 age, it's hard for you to educate again. /kloc-before the age of 0/2, parents should give their children enough psychological nutrition, otherwise they will find comfort themselves. This is how "puppy love" is caused.
Family education is the most important for children's education, accounting for 70%, school education accounting for 20%, and social education accounting for 10%. So parents should not put all the blame on society and schools. Parents are always the first responsible person for children's education.
As an accountant, you need to take CPA exam; as a psychological counselor, you need to do research; as a teacher, you need to take CPA exam while driving; as long as you are a parent, you don't need to do research. Just get a marriage certificate.
the third part
There is scientific truth in the old saying, "Look at the old at the age of three, and look at the old at the age of seven".
Tao Xingzhi has a famous saying: "If you were injured in childhood, even if you didn't die, it's hard to be useful."
If the child is hurt and psychologically shadowed, it is good for you to make him a normal person. No matter how high your expectations are, it is no use. Without a normal psychology, it is wishful thinking to get into Tsinghua Peking University.
Kindergarten is to let children play and play in the game, form good habits and cultivate good character in the game. Don't spend time on learning knowledge. Knowledge is just leaves. Habit and character are branches. Without branches, how can there be leaves?
part four
Video 1
Separate parents from children and interview them separately.
When interviewing parents, parents will tell their children one or two shortcomings, out of ten, and parents will give them seven or eight points.
Interviewing children, in the eyes of children, parents are hard-working and love them the most. Children give their parents full marks 10.
Parents have high requirements for their children and are comprehensive. Parents see their children's problems and ask themselves, don't you?
Children don't ask much of their parents. They just want their parents to spend more time with themselves, hug themselves and kiss themselves. Their demand is simple.
The more you don't accompany your child, don't play with your child, don't accompany your child to watch TV, don't accompany your child to do homework, and don't pick up your child, the more you can't tell your child.
Parents always expect their children to grow up to be what we need. What we need him to look like, or what we want him to look like. Do you think he can grow up?
The family is the printer, the parents are the originals and the children are the copies.
When you were at school, did you get full marks in all the exams? If not, why do you ask the child like this?
There is a kind of cold that makes my mother feel cold. There is a hunger that makes mom think you are hungry.
Can't you listen to your children's opinions and trust them for once?
The teacher once again stressed that a child is born with a blank sheet of paper, and his growth is the comprehensive result of your conscious education and unconscious influence.
Parents' love for their children is not measured by how much they pay, but by their needs and feelings. Please respect your child's needs and feelings!
Every child is different. Every child is unique. Don't always compare the shortcomings of your own children with the advantages of other children. No one can compare with you.
Always be yourself, parents should be the best parents and children can be the best children. Don't compare with others, it's meaningless.
Ask yourself, are you the best in the company and unit? Dare to express yourself boldly?
Don't always look at other people's children. Do you care that your children are happy at school? Did you have fun with the children?
The fifth part
Grasping the critical period of children's development, once missed, will be irreparable or irreparable.
The teacher divided five key periods:
1, 0-3 months, unconditional acceptance, life is the most important.
2, 4 months -3 years old, have a sense of security.
3, 4-5 years old, affirmation, appreciation, praise and recognition.
4, 6-7 years old, learning, cognition, model.
5, 8- 12 years old, free to choose.
/kloc-after 0/2 years old, children will be farther and farther away from you. Since kindergarten, children are gradually leaving you, 12 years old will accelerate.
Learn to accept yourself and accept a person for who he is. You can't ask a cactus to grow into a sunflower.
You should be good at discovering the characteristics of your child, guiding his development and waiting for him in the "nearest development zone".
Father's love is like a mountain, and father's love determines the height and direction of children's future development. Father plays an important role in the formation of children's life values, self-concept and self-identity. Affirm, appreciate, praise and agree that miracles will happen to your children.
Fathers should always play with their children and take them to see the world. Don't think that children know nothing. Communicate with him more and you will find many surprises. Equal friends talk and chat.
Parents' criticism, reprimanding, belittling and even beating and cursing their children are easy to cause their children's cowardice, inferiority and self-confidence, which is fatal to their future development.
Part VI
Game 1
The left and right hands are close together and the length is basically the same.
Hands apart, staring at the middle finger of the left hand, and then saying "long, long, long" in your heart.
After 20 seconds, put your hands together again, and you will find that the left middle finger is really a little longer than the right middle finger.
Teacher's words: This is the magic of language. Use your language to let your children grow up according to your expectations.
Question: If you say "long, long, long" to your thumb, will it be longer than your middle finger? Or change to the right hand, will it be longer than the left hand?
No one is perfect, it is normal for children to have shortcomings, and it is not normal without shortcomings. To see the advantages, praise more; We should also see the shortcomings and restrain them.
Parents are role models for their children. What kind of person do you want your children to be? If you want your child to hold a mobile phone every day, you can hold it every day when you come home from work. If you want children to like reading, you must first like reading.
The teacher's golden sentence: we can never give our children something we don't even have.
Part VII
Second field
Count balls
Play a video. Let's count how many times people in white T-shirts pass the ball.
Our attention was focused on counting balls and we didn't notice a gorilla passing by; I didn't notice that there was one person missing in black; The curtains at the back have also changed.
Teacher's words: the direction of attention produces results, with emphasis and blind spots.
We can't trust our eyes too much.
We should focus on where we should pay attention.
Students admitted to Tsinghua Peking University, students admitted to 985 and 2 1 1, and students admitted to junior college have little difference in IQ, but the difference lies in initiative and self-control. Say the important things three times, and the IQ is not much different. The difference is initiative and self-control. Say the important things three times, and the IQ is not much different. The difference is initiative and self-control.
Part VIII
Figure 2
A diagram of the Peggy family.
Old people try to interfere with the education of their children's parents as little as possible, whether they help to look after them or not ("management" means education). Draw a clear line and don't cross it.
Family relationships are most stable in isosceles triangles and equilateral triangles. The relationship between husband and wife and parent-child relationship should not be too biased.
What should parents do?
[If! SupportLists] 1, [endif] Accept yourself, know yourself and love yourself.
[If! Support list ]2. [endif] Pay attention to the relationship between husband and wife. Husband-wife relationship is more important than parent-child relationship. The relationship between husband and wife has an intangible influence on children.
The best gift a father gives his children is to love his mother, and the best gift a mother gives her children is to respect his father.
[If! Support list ]3. [endif] Your children are unique. Don't care too much about his grades. Children's happiness is always the most important thing. Encourage him to face setbacks bravely.
[If! Support list ]4. [endif] Say "no" to children appropriately. Some things, "being a child" can't be used as an excuse. Children should be educated to know the rules, be polite and respect the elderly. Tell him what to do, what not to do and what to do. He knows that he can learn.
[If! Support list ]5. [endif] Emotional stability. Especially mom.
Figure 3
"living water" test
The water condensed by the gas exhaled when people are angry is toxic.
Husband and wife can be angry or quarrel, but they should explain clearly to their children that they can't infect them or vent their anger on them.
[If! Support list ]6. [endif] Personality and behavior habits are more important than grades.
Of course, good personality, good behavior habits and good grades are the best.
Part 9
Two children are chatting. The child asked the child, "Why are adults not picky about food?" The child thought for a moment and replied, "Because they bought all the dishes and cooked rice, they have already chosen."
Part 10
Believe in the power of faith
I don't see hope in children.
You believe in children.
It's that you believe in children.
You can have hope.
Not that children are responsible.
You just let go.
But you let go.
Children are responsible.
No, the child listens.
You respect children.
It's that you respect your children.
Children are obedient.
No, the child has grown up.
You trust children.
It's that you trust the children.
Children can grow up.
No, this kid is excellent.
You just accepted this child.
It's that you accepted this child.
The child is excellent.
No, children are happy.
You are very happy.
But you're happy.
Children can be happy.
No, this kid is cute.
You like children.
It's that you love children
The child is very cute.
Love is everything.
Love is to let the people around me
Live in the way he likes.
Love is deep understanding and acceptance.
We should strive to be love itself.
Love yourself
Love the family
Love everyone around you.
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