Reading Tip: Nearly 30% of middle-aged couples in Chinese mainland are facing a crisis of marital happiness. More than a quarter of husbands and 52% of wives think that the current sex life is not ideal. In addition to erectile dysfunction, there are serious personality and sexual ability problems.
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Reveal: Seven things that China's husband and wife rooms lack most.
Middle-aged couples are troubled by ed.
Nearly 30% of husbands and 43% of wives said that they are troubled by erectile dysfunction (ed), which is the main reason for the disharmony of sexual life. More than 70% of the respondents who are troubled by ed choose to respond negatively, thinking that "it is an age problem and will not take action" or "deliberately avoid the topic", especially women.
Psychologist Zhang Yijun analyzed the survey data: among the factors that affect marital happiness, partner loyalty and sexual happiness account for 33% and 25% respectively, which are much higher than career achievement (6%) and family wealth (24%), and the frequency of ed is negatively correlated with sexual satisfaction, that is, the higher the probability of middle-aged couples encountering ED, the lower their sexual satisfaction. Passive avoidance of ED will only make both sides lose happiness. Therefore, she suggested that all couples should face the ed problem positively.
Personality disorder seriously affects sexual life.
In recent online discussions, the relationship between personality and sex is a hot topic. Feng, a consultant of China Marriage Psychological Network, and Lin Ziyi, director of Shanghai Linzi Psychological Counseling Center, talked about this issue and both became eloquent: "A considerable number of people's sexual problems are caused by their personalities, and there are three typical ones."
Behind the reserve are three common mistakes in narcissistic sex.
1. Listening to everything is actually an escape.
Xiaoqing, 26, blushes at the sight of the opposite sex. After getting married, she couldn't even breathe in front of her husband, but within a year, they divorced. It turns out that her husband can't stand her crying every time in after making love.
Xiaoqing grew up in the countryside and was influenced by her parents' preference for sons over daughters. She thinks she is humble, should obey her husband and can't have her own ideas. Sex life is just giving and fear to her. Unfortunately, her husband didn't notice her mentality, and there were more and more "tricks", which made her feel extremely scared and even cried. She felt bullied, but she had nowhere to tell.
In Lin Zi's consulting experience, many women have this avoidant personality. This is related to the idea that their parents let them establish that sex is "unclean" at an early age, which can easily lead to their sexual escape and fear in adulthood.
What is even more frightening is that once there is a contradiction because of sex, people with this personality will always hint to themselves: the problem must be on themselves, and women are not as good as men by nature. Otherwise, they will blame themselves for not knowing each other and finding the wrong person, thus quickly withdrawing from the so-called "destructive" sexual relationship.
Lin Zi believes that in order to save this relationship, it is necessary to systematically desensitize women, help them change their sexual concepts step by step, and gradually reduce their anxiety when facing the opposite sex, starting with asking their wives to help their husbands take off their coats. When the body of the opposite sex is completely freed, the relationship between husband and wife can return to normal.
2. Paranoia of always suspecting an affair
"If he is not in the company, he must be walking around the house, waiting anxiously for his wife." Feng used this sentence to describe Mr. Luo, 30.
Like his wife, Mr. Luo is also a "strong man" who does not admit defeat at work. However, my wife seems to be quite successful at work, and she often flies around for business meetings. Every time she comes back, she always looks very tired, and seems to be resisting Teacher Luo's enthusiasm of "parting is better than getting married".
At first, Mr. Luo was considerate of his wife's hard work, but after many times, the idea of "wife having an affair" began to appear in his mind irrepressibly. Even if he can't grasp the evidence, he regards himself as a victim, shows the victim's attitude in sexual life and constantly tests his wife in various languages.
Unconsciously, sexual foreplay became an insult and satire, and finally his wife couldn't bear it any longer and asked for a separation.
"People with paranoid personality are extremely sensitive, but their thoughts are stubborn and rigid. If you start a family, you will always suspect that your spouse is unfaithful. Therefore, it is very easy to hurt your partner in sexual life and even have a tendency to sexual assault. " In this case, Feng's prescription is: people must learn tolerance and trust. Now that you are married, you should give all your trust to your wife.
Behind the reserve is narcissism.
In Feng's memory, there is such a telephone consultation that he can't forget.
That is a shy man. He doesn't understand why he can't always satisfy his new wife. I hesitate to go to the andrology department, because he has never had a problem masturbating. His wife's complaint made him feel "not like a man", and even the psychological consultation only dared to be conducted by telephone.
After listening to the general idea, Feng realized that this was another marriage conflict brought by narcissistic personality.
People with narcissistic personality often have almost all the advantages: the growth process of the stars holding the moon, the family environment that was favored since childhood, high education and excellent partners. They attach great importance to themselves and seldom understand the feelings of others, even in their sexual life. They will even make unrealistic demands according to their own ideas and force the other party to accept them. Once the other party refuses, or can't finish, it will make sexual life fall into a strange circle of "the more you ask, the less satisfied you are".
"The sexual contradiction caused by narcissism is difficult to solve. Only when he is asked to do psychological counseling can he really learn to be considerate of others. Because this is a personality defect, the ability to feel loved is very low, and how to love him can not be satisfied. "
Behind the reserve are three common mistakes in narcissistic sex.
Seven things that China's husband and wife lack most in their sexual life.
China and his wife have been paying attention to "taking care of each other and taking customers as the first priority" since ancient times. Marriage experts pointed out that compared with foreign couples, China people are prone to lack the following seven things in marriage. If we can pay more attention and invest more, our marriage life will become more harmonious and beautiful. 1/2 12 Last page