When we are young, we will think that marriage is very simple, but it is actually just a continuation of love. As long as you really love each other, no matter what difficulties and obstacles you encounter, you can't stop the determination of two people to be together. But after a lot of experience, I will gradually find that marriage is far simpler than I thought. It is not only an extension of the feelings of both sides, but also the integration of two families. In this process of integration, there are actually many things: different views, different living habits, and inevitable money problems.
We always think that "talking about money hurts feelings" In fact, talking about money is also a basic respect for marriage. After all, no one can really be "full of love and water." Falling in love and living are two different things. Let's talk about feelings, whether it's love or marriage. Everyone knows that feelings are very important. However, we live in reality, and emotional things also happen in reality. We can't ignore the realistic factors and just talk about feelings. It is irresponsible for both parties to decide on lifelong marriage only by temporary feelings. If you want to be truly responsible for marriage and even life, you have to talk about money.
Xue Zhaofeng, an economist, talked about his understanding of love and marriage in the recent hit variety show The Story of Qi Dad: "The probability of love is an accident. If two people are destined to be each other's soul mates, then among the 7 billion people in the world, they basically have no chance to meet.
The so-called marriage is just two people running a business in partnership and signing a contract. "It sounds cold-blooded and cruel, but if you think about it, you can find that it is not unreasonable. Indeed, from a certain point of view, marriage is really like a "cooperative relationship". "In this kind of relationship, both sides want to get equal benefits and are eager for fairness. This is the old saying that' the door is right'.
Some people think that talking about money in the face of marriage is too utilitarian. In fact, this is the most decent way. A mature marriage needs two people to seriously exchange their views on money and discuss the real money before marriage. Otherwise, what you think is a long stream of water, with a long way to go, and it is very likely that an oversight will turn into a chicken feather and turn against each other. Even if you can get stuck in the beautiful fantasy of love before marriage, you will probably get your head off in order to fight for a house, money and interests after marriage.
One of my readers, Yue Yue, understands this truth very well. She and her fiance frankly discussed the issue of money before marriage, and finally saw through each other's ugly faces and avoided a mistake in life.
From my conversation with Yue Yue, I found that she is a very strong girl. In fact, she did. She understood the importance of hard work very early. After graduating from a famous university with excellent results, she found a job with a fairly good salary in a first-tier city. Even though she is in a foreign country, far away from home, life and work have given her great pressure, but she is not troubled by emotions. In order to achieve her goals and gain a foothold in big cities, she still works hard day and night.
Yue Yue's clever intelligence and clear mind made her prosperous in the workplace, and with her efforts for several years, she finally saved some money. With this money and financial support from her parents, she bought a single apartment next to her unit. Although the apartment is small in size and the price is lower than that of ordinary houses, it has a good location in a big city, and it has spent most of the savings of Yue Yue and her parents, so Yue Yue cherishes this suite very much.
Later, Yue Yue met Xiao Li at a dinner party. Xiao Li, like Yue Yue, is a young man who works hard in other places. The same life experience made them suddenly have a lot of the same topics, and the two sides gradually developed feelings and talked about love in communication. Their relationship can be said to be very good Even if two people are busy at work during the day, they will still talk and watch movies after work. As the days passed, the two of them also reached the point of talking about marriage.
When it comes to marriage, two people will inevitably talk about the married house. Yue Yue himself has a clear goal, hoping that his future life can develop in a big city, so he wants to discuss with Xiaoli early, buy a wedding room in the city, and then live in this city. However, whenever Yue Yue and Xiao Li talk about this issue, Xiao Li always prevaricates, neither affirming nor denying it.
This made Yue Yue very confused. After many inquiries, I learned that Xiaoli was too expensive to live in a big city, and she didn't want to buy a house in the city. Instead, she wanted to work hard for a few years and return to her hometown. Yue Yue is an understanding girl. After understanding the situation, she took the initiative to find Xiaoli and told him that there is a more promising future in big cities, and said that she can also invest in buying a house and is willing to bear the house payment with him.
When Xiao Li heard this, his brow finally loosened. He and Yue Yue discussed that when they got married, both of them would give symbolic bride price and dowry money, and then both of them would pay the down payment, and then they would take out a loan to buy a wedding room with two names, which would be repaid together in the future. After listening to this, Yue Yue thought this arrangement was very good, so he readily agreed. The contradiction was finally resolved, and the two were successfully engaged, waiting for the arrival of marriage.
However, just a few days before the wedding, Xiaoli started thinking. He thought to himself that he would go back to his hometown to live. But now I will not only stay in the big city, but also buy a house in the city. After that, I had to pay off the loan all the time, not to mention the high cost of living, but it was all because I married Yue Yue. Since I have paid so much money, Yue Yue will be responsible for the decoration of this house. So I came up with the idea of a single apartment in Yue Yue.
He found Yue Yue and said that he wanted her to sell her premarital property for money, so that she could decorate her new house later. Yue Yue is not stupid. She immediately asked: "Isn't this wedding room just a down payment and a loan?" Why am I the only one who has to pay for this decoration? "Xiao Li ignored Yue Yue and said naturally," isn't this the house you want to buy? I didn't say I wanted to buy it. Now that I have promised you to buy a new house, can't you pay for the decoration? " Yue Yue felt very dissatisfied after hearing this. She said: "I bought a single apartment before, which cost my parents and me money." What does it have to do with now? How can I just sell it? "
Xiaoli still said confidently, "How can you be so clear about your engagement?" If you ask me, you must sell the wedding room to decorate my home. Yue Yue was too lazy to argue with Xiaoli again, saying, "This house cost my family so much money, and now you want me to sell it? No! " I turned my head and stopped talking. Xiaoli was turned down and suddenly became angry from embarrassment. She felt that Yue Yue was engaged to herself anyway, and she dared not do anything. She scolded her: "Leave your hand if you don't get married. What a clever girl! " Then he slammed the door and left the room.
This sentence made Yue Yue sad. She really can't figure out how she refused to sell the house before marriage and became a scheming woman. Disturbed, she complained to the circle of friends to vent her emotions. This circle of friends happened to be seen by colleagues in Yue Yue. This colleague actually fell in love with Yue Yue very early and expressed his love to her. It was only then that Yue Yue just arrived in the big city and thought that he should put his career first, so he refused him. Since then, colleagues seldom bother Yue Yue again. This time, after seeing the circle of friends, he took the initiative to send a message to ask Yue Yue.
After learning the situation, my colleague couldn't help laughing. He jokingly said: "How can a' strong woman' be angry because of this? Do you have your own house? " Yue Yue couldn't help asking, "If you marry me in the future, will you let me sell the house and decorate it?" The other party still replied cheerfully: "How is this possible? I'm too lazy to count these. When you get married, you should pay attention to mutual respect. I absolutely respect your opinion. "
Yes, when you get married, you should pay attention to mutual respect. This sentence suddenly woke Yue Yue up. Realizing that Xiaoli is engaged to herself, she still asks herself to sell the house for money blindly, which is just greedy for money and completely disrespectful to her performance. Knowing the truth, Yue Yue collapsed for a while. She lost control. She saw words of comfort from her colleagues. She only thinks that her colleagues are the people who really care about and understand herself, and decides to take the house away and remarry to her colleagues.
She called Xiao Li decisively and told him: "Besides decoration, there are actually too many barriers between us. We are not suitable, let's cancel the wedding, I have found someone who knows me better. " Say that finish, then hangs up the phone. This time Xiaoli was completely dumbfounded. He wanted to call back to discuss with Yue Yue, but Yue Yue never answered his phone again.
In the final analysis, the concepts of Yue Yue and Xiao Li are actually completely different from the beginning. It is not difficult to find that in their subsequent communication process, Yue Yue is also making concessions. Such an unequal love relationship is actually difficult to last for a long time. You know, it is impossible for two people's marriage to have no contradictions at all. Dealing with contradictions requires the concerted efforts of both sides, Qi Xin. If one party only has its own interests at this time and does not look at the problem from the perspective of the other party at all, it is actually a very selfish performance.
What we have to do is to communicate generously with the married before marriage and express our thoughts without reservation, so as to find out the hidden problems between them. And when solving the problem, both sides should also participate. In the process of settlement, if you find that the other party is unreasonable and selfish, you should reconsider this relationship. After all, marriage is the most important thing in life. Only being responsible for marriage is responsible for your own life.