People who don't feel * * * are afraid that when you get along with them, the air will suddenly calm down and you will die easily when you talk. I just don't want to be with them anyway.
It's not difficult to do a good job of * * *, but we don't observe and accumulate it carefully at ordinary times. If we understand human nature, then master the skills and make necessary adjustments to ourselves, we will have a brand-new self.
The book "Emotional Communication" is the most basic and easy-to-master book to introduce * * * emotions at present.
The content in the book is systematic and comprehensive, and it is the best medicine for those who say that their personality is straightforward and easy to offend people, and those who say that they are slow to respond and have low emotional intelligence.
This book is the work of Japanese psychologist Dr. Gong Cheng. He has provided psychological counseling to more than 5000 people and received very good response.
It has a great influence in Japan and America. He himself was neglected and bullied. Through his own study and hard work, he improved himself and became an expert in the industry.
His examples show that his works are practical and his rich experience shows that he teaches well.
Learning this book, we mainly learn these three points:
First, understand human weakness and be a popular person; Second, starting from practice, control the communication mode of * * * *; Third, overcome your own psychological trauma and communicate with each other easily.
0 1
Understand the characteristics of human nature and be a popular person.
To learn emotional communication, we must first master the universal characteristics of human nature. As the saying goes, "Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you."
We know these characteristics of human nature, so a little use will have a good effect.
1, show due respect to others, and you will be very popular.
Among Maslow's basic needs, the need to be respected is one of human needs, ranking above the physiological and safety needs.
Everyone wants to be respected by others, likes to blame others, and people who are good teachers are not liked. That's the reason.
Even children, deep down, want to be affirmed and respected by their parents or adults.
Respect other people's values and words and deeds, and you will be welcomed by everyone.
2, people like to get, and appropriately let others have a sense of gain.
The author in the book gives an example of experience. In a lecture, many people waited anxiously for the arrival of the teacher. However, a student saw this very carefully. She spent a lot of money to bring us food.
At that time, many people were very hungry, and they were very grateful to the student for his kind efforts. In this process, she also got to know many important people in various industries.
In fact, the student didn't spend much money, but she got a lot of help in her future work, and the reward was 1000 times that she paid, and she benefited for life.
This is what everyone wants, and she just seized the opportunity easily and appropriately.
We see that many top enterprises are now providing people with the convenience they want to make them successful.
QQ and WeChat provide convenient communication and expression for hundreds of millions of people free of charge, Pinduoduo gives people cheaper shopping, the headlines are realized by millions of creators, and Tik Tok provides an innovative music platform for those who love to show themselves. ...
They didn't suffer, and they became the industry leader in a short time.
The same is true of interpersonal communication. Everyone wants some convenience, which can be said to be greedy and cheap. At this time, if you make some appropriate sacrifices or sacrifices, it will be very popular.
3, people are self-centered, and it will be more popular to put down their bodies properly.
I remember Yu told a story in a speech. He mixed with the monitor and the people who studied well.
At that time, his grades were poor, his talent was average, and he was born in a poor rural area.
Such people usually feel inferior in a university like Peking University and don't want to communicate with others.
Because communication costs money, I can't keep up with the talents of my good classmates.
But I just have a thick skin. He crustily skin of head and stayed with the most talented people. He served them tea, cleaned and did some miscellaneous things.
In this way, he has no money and no one is smart, but everyone thinks he is useful.
People who study well have a high opinion of themselves, and rich children are even more disdainful of doing these coolies, so I have always devoted myself to getting along with them and getting along well with them.
Later, the monitor who studied well chose to go abroad for further study, and many of them succeeded in their own fields.
I haven't gone abroad, but he is holding his own English training class. After being accused of failing several times, he persisted.
At that time, many people wanted to enter foreign universities and worked hard to improve their English. Yu Hongmin keenly seized this opportunity.
He thinks that to expand and recruit, he needs a higher level of English teachers and partners. He thinks of his monitor and foreign seniors.
Through communication, they have a blended friendship. As a result, they thought Yu Ren was very nice, so they went back to China to work with him.
At that time, English training institutions mushroomed. Many organizations have advantages over New Oriental in strength and scale, but it is precisely because of this relationship with Yu that Yu has found a higher-level partner than others.
It is with these top overseas alumni groups that New Oriental can develop rapidly and become a leader in domestic training schools.
4. Everyone likes positive energy. Don't be a negative person.
Since childhood, we like to associate with people who give people positive energy. They are sunny, honest, kind and tolerant, and naturally feel comfortable with them.
And those who are full of negative emotions, such as depression, meanness and suspicion, will make people feel very tired and everyone will avoid them.
In daily life, be a positive person and bring your own energy, so that you can get along with others more easily.
02
From practice, master the communication method of * * *
* * * Love is simply empathy. In practice, try to understand each other's thoughts and feelings.
People need to be respected and self-centered, so how can a stranger who just met make him feel respected and recognized?
First, remember his name.
Because everyone's name is the most beautiful voice they want to hear.
No matter how affectionate the teacher is on the podium, students will be distracted after a long time, but at this time, no matter what the name of the classmate is, the classmate who is read will pay attention immediately.
The same is true in a group of people's conversations. Some people talk about Kan Kan, and everyone looks at their mobile phones. If you want someone to pay attention to you, you mean talking about him. At this time, when his name is pronounced, his attention will be immediately attracted.
On the social software platform, chatting with someone's nickname will make the other person feel different.
Learn to be grateful.
We will now teach our children to be grateful when they are pampered, but we often neglect it, and the consequences will be very heavy.
People who don't know how to collect money don't know how to be grateful, and they will lose their enthusiasm for free;
People who help you don't appreciate you, and they may not be so enthusiastic about you next time;
The people who made red envelopes in the group, those people robbed the red envelopes, and without saying a word, no one in the whole group slowly became red.
We must understand that no one has an obligation to be kind to you except relatives. It is natural to learn to be grateful. If you keep sincere gratitude, you are respecting others' efforts. Feel the feelings of others.
Learn to praise
There is no lack of beauty in life, but a lack of vision to find beauty.
When we want to praise others, as long as we are a little careful, we can properly find the bright spot in each other.
There are two kinds of compliments here: things and people.
This purple coat is really nice (awesome);
Miss Li, you look more beautiful in this purple coat.
This necklace looks good on you.
Miss Zhang, you have a good eye for accessories.
The same thing can praise objects and people, while social experts generally think that praising people is more advanced.
For example, if you don't know what to praise each other, you can directly praise each other's "good temperament", and both men and women are happy.
Learn body language
Albert Merabin, an American psychologist, made a special study. Only 7% of people communicate information, 38% are tone and intonation, and 55% are body language such as expressions. This is known as "Merrabin's Law".
When we communicate with people, we should pay attention to observing and analyzing each other's body language, which is very helpful to * * *.
03
Overcome one's psychological trauma and communicate with others easily.
"I understand a lot, but I can't live this life."
Realize * * *, and so on. Many people know how to respect each other, give each other and praise each other, but they often can't.
Seeing that others are well-off and well-connected, they cry "servants can't do it", mainly from psychological barriers.
Most of these psychological problems have left trauma in childhood, and the trauma has not healed yet, but it will not pass this hurdle in the end.
Through the method of psychological counselor "Dematini", people with psychological trauma can get answers that they have never had before, and let them have real feelings about people, things and themselves.
If you heal yourself, you will be kind to others.
The author said in the book: instead of focusing on whether you are likable or not, it is better to focus on caring for each other.
Many people are afraid to show goodwill and praise, but they are actually worried that the other party doesn't like their behavior. Psychologists say that if you show kindness and concern to others, others will reciprocate.
With empathy, I need others to pay attention to and care about me, and others will not resist. With our kindness and concern, we can communicate with each other easily.
* * * In love, we should feel the same way and understand each other's loneliness and sadness.
For example, when my husband went out to work in the morning, my wife said lonely, "Did you come home very late today?"
If the husband replies, "Yes, I will be back very late." Or just say, "I won't be back until nine o'clock."
He went out, and his wife's loneliness was ignored.
And if the husband answers "Sorry, it makes you feel lonely, let's go out to play together this weekend!" "
This kind of answer, I realized my wife's lonely feeling, which made her look forward to it. This is the relationship between husband and wife.
Some couples feel more and more "widowed marriage", which is the lack of communication between husband and wife.
This kind of relationship between husband and wife, which has not been valued and expected, is not far from divorce.
In the book "Emotional Communication", Gu is good at passing the first part of * * * human characteristics; The second part uses practice to achieve * * * feelings, and then finally heals psychological trauma, conducts barrier-free communication, and deeply understands and appreciates each other's feelings.
We all say that it is difficult for people to empathize, but through the author's more psychological counseling theory and practice, we can master better methods and realize real emotional communication.
If you get help in making friends, marriage and career, it is easier to get happiness in marriage and develop your career.