My classmates all envy me and say that I married a good husband. Is there any good way? No matter my face value, education or work, I don't deserve him. Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming.
My husband's name is Cheng Yang. He is a graduate student and works as a manager in a listed company. He earns tens of thousands of dollars a month, plus year-end bonus and dividends. He also has a salary of 40 thousand to 50 thousand a month He is also handsome, eight feet long, with a unique charm, clear mind and natural nature.
However, I am poor, plain-looking, graduated from an ordinary undergraduate course and engaged in a very ordinary job. The only advantage is cheerful and talkative!
I can't even think about it. Cheng Yang actively pursued me.
My family is in business, and my parents have only one child. My parents don't ask my boyfriend to be rich, as long as he is kind to me.
When Cheng Yang came to my house for the first time, my parents were not happy because I found an excellent boyfriend, but a little worried.
After he left, my mother said that Cheng Yang was excellent in all aspects, but he lacked the world. Life is often a reflection of the apathy of the world.
I casually said, didn't he just come to our house empty-handed? Besides, there is no shortage of food and drink in our family. I told him not to bring anything.
Silly girl, do you think I care about things? Politeness is the embodiment of a person's self-restraint. And I always thought he was too good, maybe he was flawed in some way. How else can I find a mediocre person like you as my girlfriend?
I can't extricate myself from falling in love and feel that my mother is too worried.
When I fell in love with Cheng Yang, there was no big problem. Couples will inevitably quarrel over trifles, but Cheng Yang generally won't quarrel with me. He has a problem. He doesn't talk to people. At first, I thought it was not bad. If both of them are grumpy, it will definitely make more trouble.
Once, when our unit had a dinner, Cheng Yang called me. He said, do you work overtime? My meal is ready. Why haven't you come back?
I forgot to tell him that there is no need to wait for me for the company dinner. I told him that I was having dinner at the company, and he hung up with a "Oh" on the phone.
I didn't hear anything unusual either. Everyone wants to sing after supper. I want to go back, but the leaders have spoken, and I am embarrassed to refuse. I had to sing with them and didn't go back until very late.
Afraid of waking Cheng Yang, I crept into the house. I didn't think much about seeing Cheng Yang sleeping, so I went to take a shower.
The next morning, I found something was wrong with Cheng Yang.
When we go to work, he drives me to work first, and then she goes to the company by herself. Because of his warm-hearted behavior, many female colleagues in the company envy me.
This time, I found that I have been talking to myself since I got up. He didn't speak at all, and he didn't speak when he went to drive. I didn't think much.
In the car, he ignored me and drove by himself. I found something wrong because he kept pulling a long face. I don't think he told him at dinner yesterday. Maybe that's why he is angry.
I quickly apologized to him. Sorry, I really forgot yesterday. I will definitely tell you in advance next time.
I apologized in the car for more than ten minutes. He didn't speak until he met a red light at an intersection, but his tone was not very good. It was normal to go home from work.
We are still in love at this time, and I don't think there is anything wrong with his handling. And I think his quiet way is unique to Kochi, and people with knowledge and culture will certainly not force it.
We have been in love for a year, and Cheng Yang really cares about me. My parents didn't have a big problem when they saw him, urging us to get married.
The following year, I got married on National Day, and my parents-in-law came from their hometown to attend the wedding. Because my hometown is rural, I still want to have a good time, that is to say, I want to have a party in my hometown.
Mother-in-law said, daughter-in-law, Cheng Yang is hosting a banquet in the city, and many relatives in my hometown can't come to the city. Anyway, there will be a seven-day National Day holiday. When you are finished here, we will go to the village again. It has been arranged.
I'm a little embarrassed. I just booked a tour package here, and I'm going to travel after the wedding. The money is given.
Cheng Yang didn't tell me this in advance. I was pulled aside and asked Cheng Yang:
Why didn't you say so earlier? I have arranged a trip.
Cheng Yang said, I just know.
I asked him what should I do now? If I go back, the deposit for the tour can't be refunded, but there are more than 10 thousand people.
Cheng Yang said that once you get married, your parents will be happy to marry such a good daughter-in-law, and they will definitely want to show your relatives.
Since Cheng Yang said so, I can't slap him on the big day.
This honeymoon package was given to me by my mother. After dinner, I found her and told her the situation.
My mother is a little unhappy. This kind of thing should be notified in advance so that others can arrange it. How can this Cheng Yang do things like this? Do you think my mother-in-law's arrangement is unreasonable?
I was about to explain when Cheng Yang came in. He seems to have heard my mother's complaint.
He said with a straight face, mom, I really didn't know my parents were having a banquet in my hometown. If you think it's a waste of money, I'll supply you later!
My mother knew that she had said something wrong, so she found a reason to go out. I also think my mother is making a mountain out of a molehill, so I will help my mother apologize to Cheng Yang:
Honey, I'm sorry. My mother just said that she meant no harm.
Husband said that on such a happy day, parents just want relatives in their hometown to know you. Besides, they didn't inform me about it. Does your mother have to say that?
Right, right, right. See if mom has anything they haven't prepared. We'll make statistics later and then make arrangements.
After listening to my words, Cheng Yang seems to be under the weather. On the way to my mother-in-law, he said, I didn't marry you because your family is rich.
I said with a smile, I must have saved the galaxy in my last life before I met such an excellent you.
On the way back to his hometown, Cheng Yang was silent all the way. I know he is still angry at what my mother said and didn't say hello when he left.
I think my mother talks too much.
Hometown banquet is a dam banquet in my village. I've only seen it on TV, but I haven't experienced it personally. I didn't feel uncomfortable when I came to the countryside this time, but I felt very good.
I don't feel at home, my relatives chat casually, and my home cooking feels good, so I can't eat it in the city.
An aunt wearing a floral dress pulled me and said that this daughter-in-law married by Cheng Yang is really good, and she is not melodramatic at all.
Mother-in-law said, don't look at her from the city. She treats people very well, and other daughters would not come to the village.
Cheng Yang seems to be in a good mood. He introduced me to their relatives.
While eating, a child spilled soup on me and I changed my clothes. Cheng Yang couldn't leave, and his cousin accompanied me to change clothes.
Cousin is also a chatterbox, and she started chatting on the way.
Sister-in-law, I think you are the least outstanding among my cousin's girlfriends, but you have the best attitude.
I smiled and said, hey, carrots and vegetables have their own tastes, and time to play is very important!
My cousin said that my cousin's ex-girlfriend is not as much as you think, but if my cousin's temper is not so strange, it may not be your turn!
I think Cheng Yang has a good temper and is not prone to violence. At most, he is arrogant!
My cousin added that his ex-girlfriend is beautiful and has a good job, and we think everything will be fine. But because of a little thing, my cousin ignored her for a month, and then she was gone. ...
I didn't delve into what my cousin said, just as a story. What happens to others is a story, and what happens to yourself is an accident.
In fact, Cheng Yang's shortcomings have always been great, but I ignored them. I am extroverted and my job is sales. I often please others and take the initiative to please others, so I am the same in life.
Cheng Yang is a middle-level leader and won't please others like me.
Our real crisis is that in the third year of marriage, the provincial boss of Chengyang Company was transferred, they were running for office, and I was preparing to be promoted to supervisor.
A month later, I was successfully elected as a supervisor. Although it is not a very important management position, it is also an indispensable step for my progress.
But Cheng Yang was elected as the provincial manager for some reasons.
I knew he was in a bad mood, so I enlightened him. Why work so hard? My business is still waiting for you to inherit. Isn't it sweet to be a boss and earn money for yourself?
Originally, the family also planned to let me take over the family business in due course. I think I will take care of the children most of the time in the future, and my business will still depend on Cheng Yang. After all, men think more.
Cheng Yang will come back to me immediately. Your parents think I married you because I like the conditions of your family, so I don't need to give a bride price. Do you think I eat soft rice?
Because of this, I quarreled alone, he didn't answer the phone, and then slammed the door and left.
Later, I calmly thought that he might be in a bad mood because of his failed promotion, and what I said might also make him unhappy.
He didn't come back until after midnight. I stayed up, waiting to apologize to him. Who knows that he didn't say a word coldly and went to sleep behind my back.
The next day, I made breakfast and the flatterer talked to him. He just responded coldly with a "mm-hmm".
It's been like this for days. My mother said you were so humble that you got used to him. When you come back for a few days, everyone will be calm.
I went back to my mother's house for a week, and he didn't call. We used to quarrel a lot, but he'll be fine in a day at most.
This time, I did not compromise because of his attitude. I don't think he called, and I didn't contact him.
I left my papers at home. On Saturday, I went home alone. Cheng Yang was still cold when he saw me.
Seeing this, I ignored him.
For the next month, he could still smile and chat with his colleagues, but he didn't talk to me, or he was sarcastic.
This depressing atmosphere makes me suffocate.
For two months, he was talking and laughing with others outside. Everyone with eyes knows that we are in conflict, but none of us want to take a step.
Just when I was about to talk to him about our problems, I found that I was pregnant. I don't know what to do because of his appearance.
I told him about the pregnancy. If the two of them go on like this, the child will be taken away. I don't want him to be born in such a family.
After learning this, Cheng Yang changed his attitude and symbolically apologized to me.
Although things have passed, my heart can't be hot, and I don't want to indulge blindly!
I deliberately went to the Internet to check the "cold violence". Cold violence is a kind of violence, and its manifestations are mostly indifference, contempt, laissez-faire, alienation and indifference, which causes others to be mentally and psychologically violated and hurt. Cold violence is currently recognized by the society as an act that will cause psychological and spiritual harm to the other party.
This is in line with the performance of my quarrel with Cheng Yang, who is cold and violent to me as soon as he feels dissatisfied.
Cold violence in marriage is very harmful to marriage. I personally feel hurt, and I am also responsible for the formation of this cold violence. When there are differences or dissatisfaction in marriage, I don't analyze it, but indulge blindly, which leads to more and more serious forms of violence in Chengyang.
Cold violence in marriage is more harmful;
1, marriage is cracked.
2. The relationship between husband and wife is broken.
Then this kind of marriage will definitely not last long and will eventually lead to divorce.
In fact, Cheng Yang and I don't have much emotional problems, but there will be many differences during the running-in period of marriage.
He and I often ignore communication and use silence to resist, which is counterproductive.
Later, I had an in-depth exchange with him, and we were willing to face the problems in life honestly and not coldly.
There are two solutions to cold violence:
First, if you really can't go on, choose to get together and leave, and don't be tortured by the other party or make the other party's spirit suffer.
Second, communicate sincerely, control your emotions and always reflect on yourself.
Do you mean that your classmates ignore you or ignore you? If you are friends, you can resolve conflicts. If you are just an ordinary classmate and have done nothing wrong, you don't have to care. For a friend's cold violence, either you are colder than him and may irritate him, or you can slowly influence him.
Cold violence is a chronic poison in marriage, which can make marriage die quietly. What is even more worrying is that most couples often use or passively turn on this toxic mode to deal with various problems in marriage. In the long run, there will be more and more inner grievances, and one day the interests will erupt, making the marriage life miserable.
The most terrible thing about cold violence is that it can make people's bodies unscathed, but it can make your mind riddled with holes, which is difficult for others to detect. Only the parties themselves know the pain of being left in limbo, and the pressure it causes in marriage is far more terrible than force. The duration of cold violence is generally long, which makes the abused party in a state of depression, panic and anxiety for a long time, and many people are prone to depression or suicide. Male and female friends who are in it will be seriously hurt physically and mentally. Long-term depression and nowhere to vent will not only reduce their quality of life, but also reduce the quality of life of other members of the whole family.
In recent years, cold violence has shown an increasing trend in domestic violence, which is more common in some highly educated and high-income families and has become a hidden form of mental violence. In the eyes of outsiders, its abusers often belong to a stable, intellectual and wise family with their own aura, but who can see that under their almost perfect appearance, there is an extremely frozen soul hidden.
It is precisely those elites who seem to be "harmless". They can use the poison of advanced cold violence to make your family, wife, children, all of them.
Each of us entered the marriage with the brand of family background. In the first few years, it is impossible for husband and wife to reach a complete tacit understanding. It is normal that there are no differences, occasional differences or harmless disputes. This kind of conflict is more like the running-in of two families. Properly handling these small frictions can not only enhance the understanding between husband and wife, but also penetrate into each other's hearts. However, if there is a contradiction, each other adopts a long-term negative escape way, or simply ignores it, then the contradiction that has gone beyond the normal range will become a cold domestic violence.
There are contradictions and misunderstandings between husband and wife, so it is more practical to face up to them than to avoid them. Only mutual understanding, mutual tolerance and frank communication are the desirable ways to solve cold violence. Just as the deep pain caused by cold violence was not built in a day, our ideals set each other off. For example, love and marriage in Qi Mei were not built in one day, and they need the joint efforts and management of both sides.
There is a classic line in A Good Wife: The greatest charm of marriage lies in exploring how deep communication can be achieved between two people who are not related by blood. Only after the baptism of time will two people begin to understand that true love will not fade because of the change of body shape and will not dissipate because of the passage of time.
I don't know when the word "cold violence" was brought into people's lives, so what is "cold violence"? As the name implies, it is a kind of violence at first, which means that it does not solve problems by violent means such as beating, but causes mental and psychological harm to others through indifference, contempt, laissez-faire, alienation and indifference.
There are mainly two kinds of cold violence: one is domestic cold violence, which refers to the behavior that couples are indifferent to each other, try to reduce or stop language communication when there is a contradiction, stop or perfunctory sexual life, and are lazy to do housework.
Cold violence in the workplace has always been the secret of people in the workplace. Cold violence isolates people with an unspeakable pressure, which makes people feel chilling. Going to work is like going to jail. Whether it is domestic cold violence or workplace cold violence, it is actually a kind of mental abuse.
In marriage life, if the two sides have a long-term cold war apathy after a quarrel, or if one side uses insults, intimidation and other means to vent personal anger for a long time, or unilaterally controls financial power and refuses to pay family expenses, we should pay attention to it. This may not be a simple contradiction between husband and wife, but a family "cold violence."
Gaoshanren /2022. 1.8
The so-called cold violence, as its name implies, means that people do not solve problems through violent acts such as beatings, but deliberately ignore, treat coldly, despise, condone and alienate each other in the way of the Cold War, thus causing others to suffer mental blows and psychological injuries. Therefore, it is also a kind of violence. Cold violence is an act recognized by the society at present that will cause psychological blow and mental harm to the other party. This kind of cold violence usually shows that after the conflict between husband and wife, although they don't resort to force, they ignore each other or attack each other through the cold war and control the economy. The other party intentionally destroys the other party with mental torture, which makes the marriage relationship in an abnormal state for a long time. So this kind of mental torture and destruction is even more terrible than physical injury.
There are many reasons for the formation of cold violence, but the most important ones are only three, namely: first, lack of emotional foundation, mutual distrust, and sometimes improper behavior; Second, rude, so stick to your own opinions, people who are intolerant in their hearts will not listen to advice; Third, because of the above reasons, it leads to indifference and emotional desalination. So one side tried to punish and torture the other side by means of cold violence, making them suffer, and finally making them compromise and urging them to repent under the action of cold violence.
So how to resolve cold violence in real life? Personally, I think there are three main ways, namely: first, lower yourself and communicate actively to deepen mutual understanding, enhance understanding and trust, and build emotional foundation; Second, we should be considerate, considerate of each other, always give people warmth, pay attention to respect each other, deepen feelings and accumulate friendship; The third is to introspect more and complain less; More heart-to-heart and less confrontation; Get along more, be less cold, and constantly pay attention to self-cultivation and ways to get along ... Only in this way can we avoid cold violence in life as much as possible, thus making people's lives more harmonious and happy.
My opinion is for reference only, don't spray if you don't like it!
Like my friend's husband.
A friend cheated in marriage, and her husband found that the chat record with the man was not deleted.
Because I had a son, I didn't get divorced, and then my husband started three years of cold violence.
The first is not to communicate. I won't say anything if you ask me anything.
The two usually have zero communication. Occasionally speaking of children, her husband will tell her, but the tone is not good.
For example, if the child is ill, she tells her husband that he just says, "What do you do? Are you a waste? "
Second, insult each other.
For example, if the child is naughty, my friend goes to hit the child, and her husband pulls the child over and insults her: "Why did you hit my son?" Are you worth it? Don't pollute my son with your dirty hands! "
There are many similar things.
In the past, my friend kept his salary card. After the accident, her husband took it back and gave him a fixed living allowance every month. If it is not enough, he will not give it again.
Can you give their mother and son basic meals?
My friend also told her husband about the divorce, and her husband never left. Life is hard anyway.
My husband and mother-in-law used cold violence against me more than twenty days before pregnancy and delivery. Ignore me and take care of me every day, but throw your face at me every day. I really couldn't stand it, so I ran out at night and called my parents crying at the edge of the field and asked them to take me back. But my mother just hung up with a sentence of "You are married", so I finally returned to my husband's house, knocking at the door, and her mother-in-law shook her face at me without saying a word, while her husband was asleep with a thunderous voice.
Being cold-blooded by someone you care about is more desperate than being really beaten.
Deliberately "isolating" you in social life, isolating you based on people you know at parties, work or life, leaving you in a state of dispensability, completely ignoring your existence, and even giving you a definition of playing a "joke" role in the process, all of which should be called "cold violence", and people who can give you extra points in social occasions. And extremely vicious inside. I am not exaggerating at all. Since ancient times, the trick of "killing people without seeing blood" is nothing more than this kind of behavior. It's no harm to suggest staying away from such people. It will often hit your inner defense line, give you hints, lead you to position yourself in an obscure corner of your heart, and make you depressed.
The cold violence between husband and wife is nothing more than the performance of treating each other like strangers after quarreling. After all, both of them are shrouded in a family atmosphere, and force is the most undesirable, so cold violence is particularly vicious. Under the stalemate, someone must compromise to break this atmosphere. This kind of cold violence is often accompanied by contradictions, and the deadlock between the two people is naturally solved. Personally, the lethality of cold violence in this environment is immeasurable, which depends entirely on the position of the other party in your heart.
There is a saying that anyone who is in any kind of "cold violence" is uncomfortable. Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you!
The premise of cold violence is that you care.
If you don't care about each other, they can't be as indifferent as you. Maybe you will be happy to do so. When the other person finally leaves you, you can get rid of the other person and enjoy yourself.
You care about each other, and they have something on you. The other person is very cold and ignores you, which makes you feel uncomfortable and wants to cry. This is called cold violence. And the other side of the cold violence knows the result, which will make you feel bad. Knowing that you are uncomfortable, but not letting you vent, makes you uncomfortable. This is the highest level of cold violence.
For example, a girl knows that you like her and you care about her. You should take care of her and make her dress less revealing. If she is unhappy, she ignores you, doesn't return to you, doesn't meet, contacts many boys in revealing clothes, and sends a circle of friends to show you how happy she is.
You are in pain, uncomfortable and unable to get rid of it.
This is a kind of cold violence.
How to solve cold violence? In fact, young men and women like cold violence, especially when holding one party makes the other uncomfortable. This is the origin of who cares who gets hurt in love, who is heartless and who is not tired, who really pays and who suffers. Either you don't care, or the other party is "kind" and only the other party can solve it. You can't solve it alone.
It's like clapping your hands. You can't clap it by yourself.
Just like a wedding room, you can't do it alone.