However, because most of us have limited knowledge of depression and don't know how to comfort, we become cautious when talking with patients, for fear that our words will stimulate each other, and even worry that our thoughtless words will induce patients to commit suicide.
The result of this is: not only make yourself very tired, but also the other party will blame themselves more and feel dragged down by others, thus resisting contact with others.
A.
"Why are you so melodramatic" (education complaint)
"Don't be suspicious. Now that life is good, you don't lack anything. You're depressed. We had nothing at that time. Don't be nervous. "
There are always some people who like to stand on the moral high ground and educate others. It turns out that preaching is so annoying.
Depression and depression are not equal to cowardice and affectation, they are part of the symptoms of depression. It's not that ta wants to escape, to be strong, to overcome difficulties and to be positive, but that they are really listless and powerless.
In other words, it is clearly pointed out in the diagnostic criteria of depression that the work, social and life functions of patients are affected by the disease and have declined.
This decline is the pain caused by the disease, not the patient's fault. Don't blame the patient for this.
B.
"Be optimistic, what's there to worry about?"
"Would like to open up, don't get stuck, I think, you are too idle, go out for a walk more, tell yourself to be happy every day, smile more, adjust well, don't talk to friends more, enlighten you ..."
I have never experienced depression, and I really don't know much about it. "The Inner Monologue of a Depression Patient" mentioned:
It was not his mood that caused his depression. Being happy and open-minded will not alleviate his pain, what's more, most patients with depression have lost the mental adjustment mechanism of "being happy and open-minded".
Hearing these words, ta may feel a little wronged and helpless, knowing that it is not that simple, but it is irrefutable. There seems to be nothing to refute except a helpless smile.
If what you want to convey is "don't overestimate the possibility of some bad things happening", you may wish to analyze the specific events when ta confides in you.
Ta is probably surrounded by a pessimistic possibility (for example, he is angry with me because he didn't reply to my message/the leader or teacher criticized him for looking down on me). You can put forward other possibilities (whether he is in a meeting or asleep/the leader or teacher has opinions on this matter), don't argue with him, just provide these possibilities. This may bring new inspiration to ta's original thinking mode.
C.
Everything will be fine.
"Life is simple, it is good to be happy. Everything is just right, and you will eventually get the happiness you want, but you may turn around a few times. "
It is difficult for people with depression to empathize with "chicken soup for the soul".
People with depression will have a cognitive triad of "uselessness", "helplessness" and "hopelessness", feel useless, fall into a helpless situation and have no hope for the future.
When they hear the chicken soup coming out of your mouth, they will find themselves even more difficult to understand, and their "dark" ideas are even more difficult to say. This will make communication between you more and more difficult.
Similarly, if you want to convey that you don't want to be too disastrous about the ending of things, you can talk about it when he confides in you, or you can take the initiative to ask his thoughts:
You look a little unhappy. Have you thought of anything?
In specific events, he may exaggerate the disastrous consequences of things (for example, he may think that failing this exam will end his life in the future). You can carefully inject new ideas to help him change his previous thinking mode.
D.
"Actually, I'm under a lot of pressure" (see who is worse)
"In fact, my state is not good. I was criticized by the leader for working overtime until the early morning yesterday. When I got home, I could only cry in the quilt. There's too much pressure. My father is still ill. Everyone in this society is very difficult, and depression is normal ... "
Ta collapsed after listening to it. If it's really so difficult, I won't feel good.
In fact, people with depression are very weak when they are depressed. They need not only understanding, but also comfort, support and strength. Take care of yourself while caring about him. This will be a good example.
E.
"You should get better soon" (like a death warrant)
"We are all very supportive of you. You must also work hard and use various methods to strive for an early recovery and tide over the difficulties. "
People with depression will be more willing to accept their current state and be accompanied. If it is replaced by "we will accompany you to get better, accompany you to rise and fall, and accompany you through this difficult journey", maybe they will feel at ease a lot.
F.
"I understand." (as tall as the virgin/father)
Please make sure that you really understand this sentence before you say it.
If you have experienced depression, when ta realizes that you have had the same experience as ta, it may help ta get better. But you should know that the types and experiences of depression are very complicated. Even if you have experienced some kind of depression, ta may feel very different from you.
If you experience only mild depression, ta may think that you underestimate the pain of ta. In this case, it's best to admit that you don't know what the other person is going through, but you really care.
Usually, the best expression is "I don't understand, but I really want to know."
By asking some questions, it is usually to get enough information to evaluate the status of family members or friends, whether they are depressed or very desperate, and even have suicide plans within a few weeks.
Here are some questions for your reference:
How did your mood begin?
How long did it last?
What can you think of that might cause depression?
Have you ever thought about going too far?
Is there anything that can make you feel better?
How have you been sleeping recently?
How's your food recently?
Has your work pressure increased? ...
Depression is not incurable.
As long as they receive regular medication and psychotherapy, about 75% of patients with depression can reach the clinical cure standard.
However, the reality is that many people are afraid of seeing a doctor, feel ashamed and miss the best treatment opportunity.
Therefore, if ta's depression lasts for a month without interruption, or intermittently lasts for two months, she still can't resolve it by herself or through her friends, and she feels desperate. This emotion has affected ta's life and work. Even often have suicidal thoughts, please suggest and encourage ta to seek the help of professional psychological counselors.
Learn more. Only in this way can you avoid "saying the wrong thing" when your family or friends are depressed. Of course, I'm not asking you to be a psychologist, but it's always useful to know more about depression. When dealing with depressed family and friends, there are several principles to follow:
1. companionship is the longest confession.
Many times, as long as we silently accompany him and make him feel that he is not alone, it is a good support for him.
If the state of ta allows, take the initiative to talk about the current state and the experience of self-blame. As friends, we listen silently, correct each other's extreme thoughts in time, and let ta not think that these are all caused by ourselves.
We can tell ta that these are all symptoms of depression, just like fever, headache, fatigue and runny nose after a cold, which will gradually disappear with the remission of the disease.
The Japanese movie "Husband Suffers from Depression" can help you understand the pain that depressed people feel. In movies, Aoi Miyazaki's performance is the best example of relatives and friends.
The wife said to her husband, "If you feel pain, don't work hard." Yes, when depression comes, just let it go and keep a normal heart. Why do you keep trying to beat it?
Allow ta to have any state, allow ta to be like this now. Just stay with me silently. Of course, if ta mentions suicidal thoughts or plans, it still needs immediate intervention.
2. Listen to the pain of ta
Express "You are very important to me", "I will be by your side no matter what", "This doesn't mean you are fragile or flawed", or ask TA "Do you want to talk?" Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is to listen to ta when she confides her troubles, and let the other person release her repressed emotions.
Being a sympathetic listener is much more important than giving advice.
You don't need to try to "fix" each other, you just need to be a good listener. Encouraging people with depression to express their feelings is of great help to them.
Don't expect to achieve your goal in one conversation. People with depression tend to stay away from others and isolate themselves. You may need to express your concern, your gentleness and your patience again and again. You should stick to it.
3. remind ta that ta is very powerful
Support and encouragement are never wrong.
However, in the specific implementation process, some people will force the patient to do some tasks that he can't complete, such as business trip and high-intensity exercise.
Depressed patients have symptoms of lack of interest, lack of motivation and physical decline, so during the onset, some tasks that we think are very simple are very stressful for depressed patients.
Remind ta, treat yourself gently, you look much better today, help ta discover the small progress in ta's life and strengthen the good experience.
Think of a person who is burdened with so many unhappy, suicidal thoughts and depressed feelings every day, trying to be himself every day and never giving up on himself. What a powerful struggle this is!
This is the strength of people with depression.
4. Several things you can do with the teaching assistant.
Provide ta with a list of pleasant events, such as walking, playing badminton, jogging, chatting with friends, listening to music and having afternoon tea.
Ta can choose what she can do from this list to complete it. This will not only give ta a sense of accomplishment, but also boost ta's mood through these happy events.
Exercise therapy and phototherapy are both important non-drug means to treat depression.
Adequate light during the day can regulate the release of melatonin, regulate our biological rhythm and improve our mood. Regular exercise can promote the release of monoamine transmitters in the brain and play the role of some antidepressants.
As for the intensity and frequency of exercise, different studies have different conclusions, and many studies show that as long as exercise is helpful.
For everyone who walks in a depressed night, panics, doesn't know what to do, or even doesn't understand, as long as you see and understand, ta is half done.
High-quality companionship and support and encouragement are very important to them, which can really help ta survive when she is most vulnerable.
Depression is not terrible, what is terrible is misunderstanding, discrimination and giving up. If ta is seriously ill, don't use antidepressants casually. It is recommended to seek help from a professional psychological counselor in time.