Gong Beibei, an obstetrician and gynecologist, was a doctor in a public hospital before she resigned. She had an iron rice bowl and a doctor's husband, all of whom were highly educated. After years of hard work in Shanghai, she still could not afford a big house.
Later, with the help of the room, I bought a runway room. I thought it would be easier, but the contradiction was more prominent.
In recent episodes, Gong Beibei wants to buy a house again. The direct reason is that she is uncomfortable living with a pair of parents. By this time, Gong Beibei had changed jobs and went to a private hospital, earning a lot more money than before.
When looking at the house, Gong Beibei and her husband had a fierce quarrel. Gong Beibei said such a few words.
This reflects the contradiction between daughter-in-law and parents-in-law.
This is a small detail, which shows that Gong Beibei has to take care of work and family, while her husband is still a traditional male chauvinist, completely denying himself, not caring about himself, and having internal pressure.
These words fully reflect Gong Beibei's inner resentment.
So when she sold the house, she was determined to have two bedrooms. When her husband Liu heard that there was a two-bedroom apartment, he didn't want to see the house at all, so he was angry with Gong Beibei directly.
Gong Beibei is an obstetrician and gynecologist. She has her own way of educating her children, while her parents-in-law are more traditional and tend to spoil them.
And her husband is busy with work all day, and he doesn't do a few things at home. Every day he just comes back from work to say hello.
When Gong Beibei had an argument with her in-laws, it didn't play a very good role. Instead, scold Gong Beibei together.
In fact, Liu, like his parents, is a traditional way of thinking and life.
Liu is a little male chauvinist. He doesn't value his wife's hard work and doesn't understand her feelings at all. He is a relatively conservative person. Gong Beibei was not very supportive when she jumped ship.
I have always insisted on living with my parents.
In-laws are traditional in-laws. They like to do everything in their old way. They have good intentions, but they just can't understand their daughter-in-law's hard work and painstaking efforts.
To tell the truth, Gong Beibei is actually a decisive person.
She noticed the differences with her in-laws and saw that her husband would definitely not support herself. If she stays, she will surely suffer.
Contact the property decisively before buying a house.
When I jumped ship again, I also made up my mind to make a decisive move.
Otherwise, it is estimated that I will live with my in-laws for several years.
I'm not saying this to say that living with in-laws is not good.
But we have to think about whether living with in-laws can make your family harmonious.
Gong Beibei didn't mistreat her in-laws, and she has always been very good to her in-laws. There is nothing to say. It is not good for in-laws, and it is simply educating children's philosophy of life by not giving them good food and clothes.
If this incompatibility seriously affects family harmony, shall we not live separately?
Just like the problem, some people say that Gong Beibei is unfilial.
This is really not unfilial!
It's just that my family is not suitable for living with my in-laws.
Conventional digression
After Gong Beibei resigned, her annual income increased a lot.
There are changes here.
When buying a house, I insisted on buying a two-bedroom apartment when discussing with my husband Liu.
That resolute attitude is quite car-scrapping!
Buying a house is also under consideration, so let's start.
In most cases, professional women feel more secure than housewives.
I think as a young mother with children, I am more qualified to answer this question, because many times I can feel the same way. The problem of the subject is that Gong Beibei pointed out that the elders help to take care of the children, but also find fault with the elderly, right? Let me analyze it with you.
As a busy young mother, she not only has to raise children, but also has to work. As an obstetrician and gynecologist, Gong Beibei has her own educational philosophy, but she can't educate her children alone. Because she needs to work to support her family, pay her mortgage, and the old man helps with the children.
The problem comes out. The trick of the old man is that the children don't cry or make trouble, and everything is done according to the children. Of course mothers don't want to. Is it just a question? Definitely not. We must have talked before. But repeated communication failed, and finally broke out completely. Maybe this is very wrong, but we can't communicate effectively in front of the soldiers, so we have to intervene by force. After all, it is our own child, and we certainly don't want him to develop bad habits.
Although impolite and seemingly disrespectful, it is not necessary.
There used to be contradictions, but the family can still live in peace. Why has it broken out now?
Because of the second child, Gong Beibei gave birth to the child, nursed it and raised it, but she had to go to work. It's stressful. The second child directly led to the intensification of contradictions, and she had no energy to take care of her two children. The old man's labor-saving nursing method is not appropriate, but neither is it. But the old man doesn't accept it, and then we have to accuse such a mother of picking things up.
Finding fault means deliberately, but is Gong Beibei intentional? She had to.
Since ancient times, there have been irreconcilable problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but many problems can be avoided if the husband has high emotional intelligence and knows how to reconcile and help his wife.
But what did Gong Beibei's husband do? After the baby was born, not even a diaper was changed. He is a second child and won't even change. It can be seen from here that he has never helped Gong Beibei with her children.
Gong Beibei accused her of educating her children to her face. Instead of reconciliation, her husband jumped out and accused Gong Beibei of making trouble. This also led to Gong Beibei's grievance, and her mother-in-law felt that she was right.
All three people in the family stand on their opposite sides except the children who are not sensible. This time, it's clear, isn't it clear? How many times did Gong Beibei put up with it?
Gong Beibei is a highly educated obstetrician and gynecologist. Of course, there is nothing to say about IQ, but we don't know about EQ.
But it can be seen from this incident that she is really not good at dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Perhaps Gong Beibei is too busy to take care of the children and communicate with her elders.
But when children are not sensible, doting by elders is compulsory intervention, but we can take a roundabout way.
Tell parents to feed Dabao and let them take Bauer downstairs for a walk, just to find an excuse to avoid educating their children in front of their parents, and then educate them step by step. When children see that their elders are gone, they can listen to their mothers' reasoning well. If they remain stubborn, they can be punished. At this time, their parents and elders are gone, so there will be no contradiction.
As a modern woman with a high degree of education, Gong Beibei is also a mother, a wife and a daughter-in-law. She is not good at communicating with her elders, but she doesn't deliberately find fault. Who doesn't want to live in harmony with their families and be happy? In addition, there is a husband who only faces his parents and doesn't know himself.
Several Japanese guests have said the same question on domestic talk shows before. They can't understand a phenomenon in China, that is, some young people leave their children with their parents after marriage, and then go out to work by themselves. All the education and upbringing work was taken care of by the previous generation. Not only do they of course enjoy the result, but they also like to find fault. The contradiction between the last two generations is so great that children can't grow up in a healthy environment. His childhood memories are all quarrels between his parents and grandparents or grandparents.
Of course there are cultural differences. After giving birth to children, most Japanese women will quit their jobs and become housewives, and their husbands will earn money to support their families. Because in their view, the obligation to educate children is borne by parents, not the previous generation. Once the family situation is special and parents need to take care of it, then the child also needs to pay the labor fee. The elders can only be responsible for the child's diet and daily life, but the education work must never be handed over. Parents must be responsible for it themselves, otherwise you should not have children at all.
Gong Beibei's encounter with this situation is precisely a normal state in our country, and it is also a normal state of rebirth of contradictions, because the quarrels caused by this intergenerational education abound, but no one has ever questioned or tried to reverse or change anything.
In my opinion, in the plight of Gong Beibei's family, both sides have very big problems.
As an elite woman, Gong Beibei has a strong desire for control and independence. She has a complete set of theories about children's education and upbringing, and no one is allowed to touch or change them. There is no room for compromise and concession. Her parents-in-law don't care about Gong Beibei's parenting theory at all. Their generation only pampers their grandchildren, without guidance and education. The highest standard is to eat well and grow up healthily. Therefore, when Gong Beibei proposed to interfere with the child's behavior, the old couple reacted with disgust and rebound to help the child fight Gong Beibei.
When this contradiction occurs repeatedly, the husband who should be the buffer zone has become the person who intensifies the contradiction. He helped his parents against Gong Beibei, making Gong Beibei an isolated existence in the whole family.
Gong Beibei could not completely give up her children's education or leave her job as a housewife at this time, so she chose another extreme way to deal with it, that is, changing rooms and isolating her parents-in-law from family life.
She didn't tell her husband about this decision, because in the long-term social life, her husband has always stood on her opposite side.
After going to see the house, this contradiction broke out, and the two people complained to each other, completely losing the ability to consider from each other's standpoint. The root of this situation is that a couple exceeded their financial ability and gave birth to two children at one go. At this time, they can only turn to the previous generation. The invasion of their lives by the previous generation completely separated the feelings between husband and wife. At present, there is no solution to this dilemma, at least because of their financial situation.
Therefore, the solution discussed by Gong Beibei and her husband is that Gong Beibei lives in a new home with her children, and her husband usually accompanies her parents and visits Gong Beibei and her children on weekends.
In fact, husband and wife are separated. This is not a solution at all, but a complete collapse. Later, Fang Jin Si's compromise plan of "keeping rent by rent" was mostly impossible to implement, because the root of family conflicts was not the house, but the poor mode of getting along between the two generations.
Anyone who watches TV plays carefully knows that Gong Beibei doesn't find fault with her parents-in-law. She knows that it is not easy for two old people to take care of their children at ordinary times, and she understands their hard work.
So, at first, she tried very hard to communicate with the two old people, telling them scientific parenting methods, how children should eat and how to add complementary food ... But she talked a lot, but it didn't work at all. Her parents-in-law didn't listen to her, but they were bombarded! Get her out of this house
The house I bought with my own money fell to the point of being evicted. I can't swallow this tone, I have to live separately!
There is another place that makes Gong Beibei sad, that is, she found a husband who is not doing his job and instigated the birth of a second child. However, after the child was born, she became the shopkeeper of transplanting rice seedlings and just cared about transplanting them.
Incredibly, Liu never changed diapers for two children from birth to growth! It's time to fight!
Fortunately, Gong Beibei is a relatively successful independent woman with strong strength. After being ruined by two old people last time, she immediately made an appointment to see the new house. I can't afford to hide! The big deal is to change places and take care of your own children.
Regardless of the final result, I will applaud Gong Beibei! Capital clothes!
Giving birth to a child is going to the gate of hell, and raising a child is going to the wooden bridge, which are all difficult. No one understands, forget it. There are still serious differences between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the concept of parenting. I sincerely suggest that living apart will not affect each other's lives, so that we can live in peace.
May every baby grow up healthily and happily.
In the TV series Anjia, Gong Beibei is still a model among young people. The standard middle class, who was a famous obstetrician in public hospitals in the early stage, jumped to private hospitals in the later stage, and their income jumped, working only four days a week. Now because of the contradiction between parents and children, he began to consider buying a second suite, which is the winner in life.
In fact, after seeing the difference between the old man and himself in educating children, Gong Beibei didn't find anything wrong with the old man, but there was something wrong with the expression.
In the play, Gong Beibei's in-laws dote on their children. For example, children like to watch the pad, so they can show it to them, and they can feed it to adults if they want. At the same time, there are still differences in feeding methods between in-laws and Gong Beibei. For example, my mother-in-law may not agree to feed rice noodles to supplement nutrition, so what she told me may be forgotten.
The parents' generation has its own specific historical environment, and the times are changing. The lifestyle of modern people and their parents has undergone earth-shaking changes. For example, parents' generation may be concerned about whether they can eat enough, while our generation is concerned about whether they can eat well. Parents will inevitably come to this society with the unique thinking, methods and habits of that era. You know, it is very difficult to change a person's habits and cognition, and we will face the same problem in the future. There are contradictions between children, not to mention between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
In the play, there is something wrong with Gong Beibei's way of reprimanding her children in front of her parents-in-law, but it is understandable. What she saw was reprimanding the children, but in fact she was venting her dissatisfaction with her parents-in-law. In a sense, this is an outbreak after she has been depressed for a long time.
Generally speaking, the emergence of family conflicts basically belongs to poor communication.
Like Gong Beibei, she can't directly point out the mistakes of her in-laws, but the wrong person should only be her husband.
What a husband should do and to what extent depends on the level of knowledge that a couple can achieve in their educational concepts.
Remember that a son is a son no matter how bad he says, and a daughter-in-law is not a daughter no matter how good she says.
In the TV series, it was precisely because Gong Beibei and her husband lacked communication and time to communicate that the conflict finally arose, and they also quarreled. Quarrel is actually a way of communication. I hope they can vent their anger by quarreling, then communicate calmly and finally live in peace with their parents.
My son was also brought up by the elderly, and he was fed to the fifth grade, so he was abandoned. Never live with old people from the beginning. In-laws have a house, and then they are not going to separate! I have been together for more than ten years when I was young, and I will never live with them again.
After all, men can't do it.
You can't be independent in your career.
Being a family member can't help a leader.
Replace what you should pay with your parents' labor.
What can women do about this kind of widowed parenting?
I'm Dou Xiaomi's mother, and I saw it in a TV series by chance. Gong Beibei found that the child was eating while watching the video, so he asked the old man to feed him and stopped the child from doing so. I don't agree that Gong Beibei is playing tricks on the old man. This is because she found that the old people took care of their children in the wrong way, and her method was too direct, which led the old people and her husband to think that she was looking for something.
Actually, what she said is very reasonable. You can eat without watching videos and feel at ease. Such a big child can eat by himself and doesn't need to be fed by others. Then the old man takes care of the children and dotes on them. When the mother told the child these bad habits, the old man not only didn't realize the mistake of this kind of upbringing, but even accused the child's mother in front of the child. For a child, seeing the dispute between his mother and his grandparents, he will think that his mother's approach is wrong.
The mistake of parenting style and the inconsistency of parenting concept led Gong Beibei to point out the wrong place. This is not to find fault with the elderly. She is the mother of the child. She must be thinking of the child. Of course, the elderly are also for the children. Obviously, their way is to spoil and have no scientific parenting.
In fact, such scenes in the play are very common in life. Many people are busy with work, and the elderly take care of their children. When parents find such mistakes in their children, they don't think about how to correct their bad habits. First of all, they will talk about the old people doting on their children, causing parenting conflicts. The substantive problems remain unsolved, and the problems of children still exist. What should we do?
Gong Beibei did a good job in TV series. She realized that children need to take care of themselves and their problems need to be corrected by parents' education. So she will make a decisive decision to move out and live apart from the elderly. Living separately from the elderly will solve the problem of children's education and will never appear again. The child is in a dilemma. When problems arise, children no longer need to consider, and they don't know whether to listen to their parents or grandparents.
Gong Beibei, it's not that she finds fault with the elderly, it's not that she doesn't want to take care of the elderly, but for the sake of family harmony and beauty, she is not angry. The old man really helped a lot in their family of four, but a family can't have two masters, and it is inevitable that there will be bad blood between the husband and wife. If you want to look friendly and not have conflicts, one party must make sacrifices and submit to humiliation. Gong Beibei and her husband are in love, but as she said, after being married for so many years, they are under great psychological pressure, and the old people are not looking after their children properly. She said it was useless, and her own children could not make their own decisions.
So she resolutely decided to change the house, a family of four, and educate the children. It is better for parents and children to go into battle together, and the elderly should rest.
Of course, not all old people spoil their children. In life, there are still many families living with the elderly. The old people's concept of parenting keeps pace with the times, and they often communicate with young people and take good care of their children.
The main force of parenting is the child's guardian and the child's parents. Of course, the old people's educational philosophy is consistent with that of the young people, and everyone can still live in a room in peace. However, many people are still willing to live separately from the elderly, and a bowl of soup will never leave. We have a better relationship and better education for our children, haven't we?
If you have children, you should raise them yourself. Why throw it to the old man? Is this a moral kidnapping or something?
From the outside, she is a strong woman who can take care of her family and career. Don't you know that this is to fulfill her at the expense of children and the elderly. Good reputation has been given to her, but the sacrifices of children and the elderly are invisible to others.
You can't say that career comes first and others have to cooperate with you unconditionally, which is unreasonable. If she really loves children, then she can solve it by caring about their education. I just want to have everything and I don't want to lose anything. Let the old man work for her and let the children cooperate with her life. No matter how successful your career is, you can't hide it. Since we have given up our children's education and entrusted it to the elderly, we should also respect their ideas. Even if you don't think so, it is the freedom of the elderly.
What you choose, you will get. You can't make trouble openly and unreasonably because of your career achievements! More can't morally kidnap the elderly!
Again, she really cares so much about children, and she has a way, morally not to kidnap the old man!
I don't think Dr. Gong wants to find fault with the two old people, but with the way grandparents educate their children. For a professional obstetrician and gynecologist, it's hard to see that his children don't have good living habits, so Dr. Gong just wants to educate the children and doesn't mean to find fault with the two old people.
As a highly educated postdoctoral doctor, Dr. Gong must have his own set of methods in educating children, not to mention that he is a well-known obstetrician and gynecologist. It is normal to discipline children in a scientific way in educating children, but he just happens to have differences with his in-laws in this respect.
In the latest plot, the in-laws dote on their grandchildren, just for Dr. Gong to see, while the children talk back to Dr. Gong. The in-laws are happy to be around and say that what the grandson said is quite rhyming. This move made Dr. Gong very angry. You spoiled the child. How could you do that? I had to go up and discipline, which made my in-laws very unhappy and said that they were too strict with their children!
In-laws dote on their grandchildren blindly. It's hard for Dr. Gong to do it, but he can't talk back to his in-laws. If he denies it, he will do the right thing with his in-laws. If he turns a blind eye, he will hurt his children. Dr. Gong couldn't help being in a dilemma.
After careful consideration, Dr. Gong can only buy a house again and live separately from her in-laws. Then the problem is coming. In the process of buying a house, because Dr. Gong wanted to buy two rooms, her husband didn't agree, so they had a big fight. Her husband thinks that Dr. Gong makes a mountain out of a molehill, and there is no need to catch up with his parents, but he doesn't understand Dr. Gong's good intentions at all.
The final solution to this matter: it is still on my husband, because the relationship between Dr. Gong and her in-laws is sensitive. If I give advice to my in-laws, my parents will be worried, so the best solution is to let her husband and in-laws explain, which is convincing and not harmful to Dr. Gong.
At the beginning of the plot, it is too difficult for Dr. Gong to change rooms. Both husband and wife are doctoral students. The whole family lived in a house of 50-60 square meters, and finally decided to change to a bigger house and a different living environment. I didn't expect to have a conflict with my in-laws on the issue of educating children.
Now Dr. Gong has the strength to invest in a house, not because it was difficult to change rooms at the beginning, but also to get a better life in a private hospital. If he used to have to submit to humiliation, now he has the ability to change the status quo, but who ever thought that his husband would disagree?
In fact, according to the plot, Dr. Gong is still very difficult. He cooks after work every day, takes care of the children, relies on her husband's face and works hard. I feel that Dr. Gong is very tired! This portrayal also reflects that young people struggling in big cities in today's society are not as beautiful as we thought. No one has their own difficulties, and they are all on the way to struggle.
In today's society, young couples are career-oriented, so after giving birth, they can only choose to let their parents take care of them. Nowadays, the old people spoil their children too much, even if they make mistakes, they don't want to say it. Over time, children's bad habits are brought into life, which has an impact on their growth and physical and mental health.
So I want to remind the older generation to treat children correctly and scientifically. Blindly indulging children will only ruin them, and it will be too late to regret it in the end. It is still comparative to let children establish correct values from an early age. Science education for children is the root of the problem.