Why criticism doesn't work-children make mistakes and God forgives them. The reason why parents can't forgive their children is probably because the children are too far away from God! Everyone makes mistakes, but in reality, only children who make mistakes may be more likely to attract criticism. Why? Because children often make mistakes? Don't! Because children are too young to be sensible and easy to make mistakes? Don't! Because our parents' eyes always follow the children's figure. Yes! Basically, all children's behavior can't escape the control of their parents. When she accidentally falls to the ground, her mother will say, "How careless!" " If the exam results are not satisfactory, there will be a voice: "Look, why did you do so badly in the exam?" If you accidentally lose something, a voice will say, "What's wrong with you? You are always forgetful. " For the children who have just been hit, they have not yet come out of sadness, injustice, pain and even shame. They are often surrounded by stormy criticism, which makes them feel very unhappy, but there is nothing they can do! I have to endure it silently. The bold may say a few words, but it will attract more scolding, and I may sob when I am wronged. Oh! This is even worse. Parents will shout, "Why are you crying? There is nothing to cry about! " Have you ever thought about it? Why do you always criticize from morning till night? Why do you often criticize the same question? Is it because the child is disobedient? Not sensible? Too many questions? Have you ever wondered why your criticism doesn't work? Some people lament that it is difficult to be a man! Being a woman is harder! I believe you still want to say that being a mother is harder and more tiring! I go to the reception room to get my magazines and newspapers every day. There is an old lady on duty, whose granddaughter often comes here after school. One day, I went to get the newspaper as usual. After I went in, I saw the little girl lying on the table doing her homework. The old lady was teaching her little granddaughter: "Alas! What's the matter with you? Your handwriting is so ugly! This rewrite, that rewrite! " While reprimanding, he angrily tugged at the little girl's hand, as if the little girl used the eraser too slowly. The little girl pressed her lips tightly, with tears in her eyes, and reluctantly erased the words she had just written. I looked forward curiously. It turned out to be the kind of homework to practice new words. Every word is required to be written many times, and new words are written in Mi Zige. I can see that the little girl has just started school. Some words are not bad, and some words are really ugly. They either hang obliquely on the Mi Zige or simply stick their legs out. I thought, no wonder it's written like this, at first! I know the old lady very well, and even I know the name of her little granddaughter, Ying Ge. So I said, "Don't worry, auntie, I'll talk to Ying Ge." The old lady said happily, "Yes, you are an educator. Please talk to her. " I said, "Ying Ge, did you do your homework? Let me see! " The little girl still seemed unhappy and replied gloomily, "Oh!" I picked up her exercise book and said, "Oh! Is to practice writing new words. It's really good. " The little girl seemed refreshed, so she stuck out her head and read her book with me. I then asked, "By the way, let me see which word you write best?" The little girl took a quick look and quickly held down one of the words with her tender fingers. I saw the words were really good, and then I asked, "Oh, which word is the least beautiful?" I asked in a long voice. Before I could write all the words, the little girl quickly took the exercise book from my hand and quickly erased one of the bad words. I nodded approvingly and said, "Ying Ge, I'm sure you can write better words than this! Really? " The little girl nodded hard and soon wrote another word on the book, which is the kind of full and unyielding good word. I patted her on the head and said, "Great! Take your time, don't be unhappy if you are a grandmother! " In less than three minutes, the little girl's performance was completely different. The old lady was surprised and said, "Miss Zhao, why does this girl listen to you so much?" I told her, "Scolding is not the best way! Encouragement is much better than criticism. " As the saying goes, "A jade must be cut to make a tool", and this is also true for children.
Criticism, as an educational means, aims to let children know the causes of mistakes and avoid or correct them in the future.
But in fact, many parents have this experience. It is no good talking and reasoning with children, and neither is criticism. Not if they are in a hurry. No matter what they do, the effect is not good! Anyway, it is: it is useless to say it, and it is useless to scold it! Give it a beating and leave it alone for a while! It's time for parents to rethink. What should the child do if he makes a mistake? How to educate children? Should I criticize if I am wrong? 6- 18 years old development track and education methods, every sentence is dry goods! Hurry and collect it!
1 useless criticism let's first look at several phenomena and characteristics of parents when criticizing their children.
(1) Emotional criticism
Once the child is at fault, parents usually show emotional excitement, blue face, dancing, mumbling, staring straight, loud and fast, and a storm is really hearty! Well, that's it. After scolding, I am happy and balanced. What you may not know is that when you grow up, it takes a lot of talking, and most children are thinking, "It's half done now!" " "Be patient, it will be over soon!" When parents scold their children, they will suddenly stop and ask, "Do you understand?" The child immediately reflected: "I understand!" "Remember?" "Remember!" "Will you commit a crime in the future?" "Stop it!" At this time, I am so perfunctory just to end this storm early. If there is a camera, parents can look at their expressions and performances, which can be said to be unbearable to witness! What children say to you is often not memorized, or they don't know what you said at all. I only know one thing: I was wrong, so you scolded me! Even the guilt and anxiety caused by mistakes vanished with the roar of criticism. Because they know it very well, they usually get over it! The only thing the child does and is only interested in is waiting for the end of this blame! The final result is "I can't accept it verbally" and "you scold you, I will do mine". You can count on this more personal emotional catharsis. How useful is subjective criticism? In fact, many times, silence is far more effective than such criticism. The purpose of criticism is to make children realize their own problems, understand and accept correct suggestions, and correct them in action. It should be very rational to analyze and evaluate a fault. In this process, losing your temper is inevitable, complaining is acceptable, so venting is disproportionate. Imagine how such an emotion wins the respect of children, how to convince them and how to make them obey.
(2) Criticism is rampant. Sometimes, when our parents criticize their children, their voices are impassioned, their speech speed is fast, their brains are active, their thinking jumps, their associations are rich, and they go online. For example, it was a bowl-beating, from which we can remember losing our keys, money and face (because we failed in the exam), and we can also talk about fighting, watching TV and playing games. In short, anything that can be remembered can be played back like a focal plane. It can be said that the child's eyelids turn, his mouth curl, his neck twist and his head droop, thinking: Say what you like! Not too thirsty? Hum! Criticism should be targeted, just focus on the current problems, and never blame this mistake, even old scores. This practice of revisiting "old scores" will only make children feel bored, disgusted and disgusted with their parents, and because other things are dragged on too much, the current theme is diluted, and the main contradictions are easily weakened and ignored. Ironically, some parents often stop in conversation. What happened? It turns out that I suddenly forgot what to say! I had to laugh at myself and say, "well, look at you, I'm confused!" " "Imagine how this kind of criticism that makes children disgusted and deviate from the theme may be conducive to solving the problem.
(3) Criticism is simplistic. Many times, after children make mistakes, parents often don't criticize when they should criticize, and criticize indiscriminately when they shouldn't. Many parents have encountered the phenomenon of children staying in bed, often cursing while urging, while children regard this as background noise. It didn't play a key role at all. Because children know very well that if walking to school is late, parents will definitely try to get their children to school on time. There is a car to send, no car to take a taxi. Once a parent asked me what to do in this situation. I said it was simple. If you don't care about him, it's over. If you are late, the school will naturally criticize him. It is because you have various ways to prevent him from being late, which is a shield to bear the consequences of children staying in bed, so he is confident and calm. What's the use of scolding him? There are many cases like this, that is, parents only criticize the phenomenon without taking practical and effective solutions.
(4) Criticism is often impatient. Children don't even realize that mistakes are coming or have come, and they can't deeply understand what consequences mistakes will bring. Our parents are impatient and can't fight. They usually use their eyes, their mouths and even their hands. "To err is human"? Moreover, "I don't know much"! It's normal to make mistakes, and it's even more normal to make mistakes the first time you experience something! But parents don't give their children enough time and space to experience mistakes and try setbacks. Children don't even know what mistakes they have made, and criticism and accusations follow. This kind of criticism that is eager for success and quick success often stifles children's creativity and limits their development.
Why do many children lack interest in learning? It is precisely because of parents' premature intervention, excessive intervention, frequent intervention, trivial evaluation and inexplicable criticism in learning activities that children are afraid, bored and rebellious.
2 when to criticize when a child makes a mistake for the first time, you just need to tell him why he is wrong and what is right. When guiding, maintaining a respectful attitude towards the child can make him respect your opinion, and patiently and meticulously explain to make him understand the cause and effect of the mistake and be considerate, so that he will not be bound by the shadow of failure. If the child makes a similar mistake again, it may be that the child is not familiar with the correct method, or the lesson is not profound enough for him to ignore. First of all, we should analyze his reasons. If it is the former, it is necessary to make it clear, make things clear, and then give him a chance to do it. If it is the latter, he should be properly criticized.
It should be criticized that it is reasonable for children to have deviations and mistakes when they start or get in touch with new things because of lack of understanding and preparation. What is needed at this time is help, not criticism! It is understandable to be wrong the first time, understandable to be wrong the second time, and intolerable to be wrong again. Criticism is justified at this time! I like the sentence "Attitude is everything", and I often make mistakes more because of attitude. Therefore, criticism is aimed at attitude, not at the matter itself; Criticism is aimed at persistent education, and children should be given the first chance to correct their mistakes. But our parents often criticize their children when they commit crimes for the first time, which will make them feel wronged! When mistakes and problems reappear, such as unsatisfactory report cards, parents do not calmly analyze the reasons with their children, but complain about the results themselves and vent their dissatisfaction on their children. This kind of blind criticism is very unfavorable for children to accept and correct.
4 How to criticize us? Give an actual case to illustrate that there is a junior high school boy who loves to play video games and often skips classes, which greatly affects his homework, and his parents are very anxious. what should he do ？
(1) First-time offenders should argue that although their academic performance is OK, their self-control is poor and they don't foresee the consequences, so they want to go out and play games if possible. When this happens, parents should patiently explain the consequences and express their trust and expectation for their children. It is important for children to understand what is wrong with this practice! And don't break into a furious rage and scold at every turn! This is what John Locke meant when he said, "Reasoning is the real way to treat children". Learn more about parenting V+ilu088.
(2) Recidivists should have an agreement, but children have the opportunity to go out to play games, so they can't help but sneak out to play games. Parents should tell him sternly that this is not possible. In view of the fact that he made such a mistake again, he should make an agreement with the child, so that the child can make a guarantee and say what kind of punishment he will accept if he makes another mistake. Of course, it is a mutually acceptable solution. Similarly, don't get angry and abuse easily! What I want to explain here is that children are more "loyal" than adults. With such trust and respect, it is difficult for children to commit crimes again. Even if they want to play, they will greet their parents in advance.
If you do it again, you will be punished. Of course, the child is a child after all, and he made another mistake. But parents have two choices. One is to keep silent, let him know that you already know what happened, and tell him that you reserve the right to take punishment, but you are not going to implement it yet. Or according to the agreement, let the child keep his promise, accept the punishment, and let him say again what to do if he does it again! Similarly, don't get angry and abuse easily! Through the above practice, the child has no courage to make mistakes again! Of course, I talked a lot with this boy and learned that his parents wouldn't let him play at all, so I also negotiated with his parents to let him play games at a fixed time every week. In the specific implementation process, this situation occurs repeatedly, but after a period of time, children no longer play truant and even play less games within the specified time. Later this classmate told me that he used to play games not only because he was happy, but also because he wanted to make his family angry! As I said in the preface, children's mistakes are more caused by improper upbringing. Because of mistakes and failures, children have been punished and have felt pain and misfortune. How can parents be angry with their children if they don't find their own reasons? Therefore, when something goes wrong, parents' reaction and performance are very important. If it is more subjective desire, emotional out of control, anger and abuse, then it is very rude and incompetent, and it is a manifestation of lack of courtesy, understanding, trust and educational ability. This will only make children look down upon it. Therefore, the so-called criticism is mainly based on dialogue and communication, but more emphasis is placed on thinking and checking wrong thoughts and actions. In order to solve the problem and avoid the recurrence of mistakes, criticism is also a dialogue with agreements and requirements.
When children make mistakes, parents should first think about where they are wrong! What have you not done enough? So I often suggest that parents can say "sorry" to their children first. Many parents listened to my advice and later told me that after saying "I'm sorry" to their children and expressing their guilt, the effect of criticizing education was particularly good, and even the mother and son cried with their heads held. At that moment, all the unhappiness and estrangement were washed away by these tears.
As long as parents are reasonable, it will be hard for children to listen to you at that time.