Why do China people care about other people's gender?

This "flattening habit" of China people, in terms of love, is further interpreted as the bad habit of "everyone sweeps his own snow and cares about other people's sex" which Pan Suiming strongly ridiculed. The first half and the second half of the bad habit of "everyone cleans his own door and cares about other people's bed affairs" are diametrically opposed, but it is an objective fact. The simple explanation is that although the relationship between people in today's society seems to be getting colder and colder, the gap between them is getting bigger and bigger, and there are more and more cases of doing good deeds, which increasingly shows the characteristics of "everyone sweeps his snow", but "taking care of others' sex in bed" is often done by means of public condemnation. Because this method rarely brings accidental injuries, some people enjoy it. "Preference for other people's gender" is also closely related to our national personality characteristics. Yang Guoshu, a scholar in Taiwan Province, pointed out: China people have personality characteristics of others orientation. Others' orientation refers to a strong tendency of China people to be easily influenced by others in psychology and behavior-they are particularly sensitive to other people's opinions, standards, praises and criticisms, and attach importance to them, hoping to leave a good impression on others psychologically, but they try to be consistent with others in behavior. Others' orientation does not emphasize the relationship between the parties and others, but tries to avoid punishment, ridicule, exclusion and conflict of others in the negative aspect and tries to get recognition, acceptance, help and appreciation of others in the positive aspect. The "others" mentioned here refers neither to the other party in the dual interpersonal relationship nor to others in the specific role relationship, but to others who are not specific objects. Others constitute a person's real or imaginary "audience" or "audience". They often exist in the plural, but sometimes they can also appear in individual ways. Other viewers or listeners who may or used to be their own include not only people they don't know, but also people they know, and even family members and acquaintances in the process of role interaction. How should I face the world? Will the public look down on me? The elders in Jiangdong. Neighbors in My Neighbors Get Along Well with Me, friends in My Friends Like Me, family members in My Family Don't Know Me, and "others" in I'm always inferior to others are all other people mentioned here. Because of China people's "flattening habit" and "other people's orientation", how to treat amorous feelings, romance or love? Typically, unification is a stagnant pool, but once it is released, it can't be controlled. Because the desire is leveled and the mainstream of the desire culture is restricted, the world can often sharpen its sword and always pay attention to leveling the legend and romance of others, and even allow it to be a little out of line. Even making love in public, showing more intimacy, will lead to contempt and even rude interference from others. Yu (1775- 1840) was born in yi county, Anhui. "The Draft of Qing History" says that he has a strong memory, but he does not forget the classics. It is rare in the world to make the past serve the present. " His thought is also quite progressive. Does he think that women are virtuous, which is the glory of men? Its poem goes: Fujian wind gives birth to a woman and grows up to be a martyr. The husband dies without cause, the woman dies, the wine is in the bottle, and the rope is in the beam. My daughter was persecuted by greed, heartbroken and resentful. People laugh at the death of their daughters. Please give your surname. The three-foot watch faces the tree door, and at night they smell new ghosts seeking to return to their souls. In his novel "Golden Age", Wang Xiaobo typically describes people's extreme curiosity about "sex in bed" under the cultural background of asceticism, and then their conscious behavior is extremely flat after extreme peeping. The military representative talked to me (Wang Er) and asked me to write confession materials. He also said that I broke my shoes and the masses were very angry. If I don't confess, I will mobilize the masses to deal with me. He also said that my behavior was bad enough to deserve dictatorship. ..... Finally, we were locked up and wrote confession materials for a long time. At first, I wrote: I have an improper relationship with Chen Qingyang. That's all. It says it's too easy to write like this. Told me to rewrite it. Later, I wrote that Chen Qingyang and I had a proper relationship. I fucked her many times, and she was willing to let me do it. It said the article lacked details. Later, this detail was added: the 40th illegal sexual intercourse between us. The location is the thatched cottage I stole on the mountain. It was either the fifteenth or sixteenth day of the lunar calendar, and the moon was bright anyway. Chen Qingyang sat on a bamboo bed, and the moonlight shone on her through the door. I stood on the ground and she put her legs around my waist. We also talked a few words. I said her breasts are not only round, but also straight. The umbilical fossa is not only round, but also shallow. These are all very good. She said yes? I don't know. Later, the moonlight moved away. I lit a cigarette, and she took it in the middle and took a few sips. She also pinched my nose, because there is a local saying that the nose of a boy is hard, while the nose of a dying person who has too much sex is soft. At these times, she lies lazily on the bed, leaning against the bamboo wall. Other times, she hugged me like an Australian koala bear and blew hot air into my face. Finally, the moon shone through the window opposite the door. At this time, I separated from her. I later had a good relationship with the personnel section chief of our school. He said that the biggest advantage of being a personnel cadre is that you can see the confession materials written by others. I think what he said includes the confession materials I wrote. I thought my confession materials were the most literary. Because I lived in a hostel when I wrote these materials, I had nothing else to do, just like a professional writer. In the trial of Wang Erhe, military representatives stood at the moral high ground and took a condescending attitude. In the process of collective voyeurism, under the cloak of moral superiority, military representatives are morally bankrupt. In this case, all military representatives are representatives of moral guards. Wang Er's confession strengthened their sense of superiority, and at the same time, their collectivity made them feel no guilt. During the Cultural Revolution, situations like Wang Er, collective voyeurism and public humiliation were everywhere. Liu Shaotang's Lonely Village also describes such a typical literature: Zhou Cuixia (prostitute) has no brains, and Jinbaowu (prodigal son) is short-sighted. After the double pay cut, you should know about autumn leaves, and you will not converge when you go back; Ten years of civil strife is just around the corner, and this series of sad and happy farce begins; They became the heads of the national flag. There are small gods in the county troupe temple and more than eight kings in the shallow pool. Ghosts such as crucian carp cross the river; Zhou Cuixia and Jin Baoku are even more ugly and targeted. Singing ugly hippies, the golden treasure house is thick-skinned enough to sharpen razors, but can't stand all kinds of insults from rebellious teenagers; Sing "Touching the Monument" when you die. Hit his head on the south wall and died. Although Zhou Cuixia had played a whore before, she hung eighteen smelly whores around her neck, shaved her head, and paraded the streets with a broken gong in the martial arts field. She was too ashamed to lift her head. I wish I could crack a crack and plunge into it. It has been suggested that from the cultural background, China people's habit of "not easy to infer" is quite stubborn. He used the following examples to illustrate China people's habit of "not inferring". In 2003, students from Northwest University angrily took to the streets to protest against Japanese insulting China people, and even took to the streets to beat unrelated Japanese and smash Japanese shops. The general situation is as follows: At the Foreign Language Culture Festival hosted by the School of Foreign Languages of Northwest University, a Japanese foreign teacher and three Japanese male students performed a short play called "Japanese Dance". The three male students wore red bras and tied a paper cup with upside-down genitals on their bellies, and the patterns of "China", "Japan" and "heart" representing love were written on their backs. Friends in Japan know that when Japanese TV is turned on, there are often such vulgar and funny performances of women disguised as men. Maybe the Japanese appreciate this funny performance. Although people in China don't like this kind of funny performance, people in China should tolerate this kind of performance of sexual customs. If Japanese students only write "Japan" on their backs and don't write "China", China university students will only laugh at the vulgarity of the Japanese, and will never remember to protest against the Japanese's failure to observe the customs and habits of China, let alone take to the streets. The problem lies in the word "China" written by Japanese students. What does it mean to write "China" on a performer who wears vulgar clothes? On this issue, we can think of the Japanese as "good" or "bad". On the positive side, Japanese students may be well-intentioned and want to express Sino-Japanese friendship with patterns of "China", "Japan" and "Heart", but the way is a bit vulgar; On the other hand, if you think about the "bad" side, Japanese students are malicious and want to use this performance to insinuate and laugh at the vulgarity and stupidity of China people. Although a few people guess Japanese students' behavior in good faith, most people in China guess Japanese students in bad faith. How can the students of Northwest University tolerate that the Japanese will use this kind of performance to insinuate and laugh at the vulgarity and stupidity of China people? Therefore, it is completely understandable to detonate anti-Japanese demonstrations. This incident shows a feature of China people's "Chinese thinking": "thinking about people in bad ways" in spoken language and "bad person inference" in academic field. Lu Xun described it in the novel "The Story of Kong Ji": "Customers with short coats outside ... often have to watch the yellow wine scooped out of the jar with their own eyes, see if there is water at the bottom of the pot, and then put the pot into hot water by themselves before they feel at ease. Under this serious supervision, it is also difficult to mix water. " This description reflects the psychology that China customers are "not easy to infer" about the store, thinking that the store must be dishonest, so they should add water to the wine whenever they have the chance, and always keep an eye on the hands and feet of the store. The "bad guy inference" of China's thinking also affects the legislation of China. The judicial spirit of western countries is "good man inference" or "innocent inference": a person is a good man if he can't prove his guilt. I would rather let a thousand bad people go than kill a good person by mistake. China's judicial spirit is "bad person inference" or "guilty inference": people who can't prove their innocence are bad people. I would rather kill a thousand good people by mistake than let a bad one go. In the past, the practice of China court was to take the defendant to the hall, without requiring indiscriminate beating, and give the defendant a so-called "duel". The judge first assumes that the defendant is a "unruly" and will not tell the truth unless he is beaten. Then the defendant will defend himself and state his grievances. Of course, the defendant can only defend himself and cannot ask others to defend himself. As long as the defendant is suspected of committing a crime and the defendant does not have enough evidence to prove his innocence, he will be convicted. The thinking mode of "bad person inference" makes the traditional interpersonal communication strategy in our country still take the word "prevention" as the head, "the heart of hurting people is indispensable, and the heart of preventing people is indispensable" and "the sky can be measured, the land can be measured, and only the human heart is difficult". Some people describe interacting with people now: neither light nor heavy, neither deep nor shallow. So I've been scared and careful. I am not used to frank, open and relaxed communication, which leads to complaints. For example, some women complain that "men don't have a good thing", or they are sad, or they close themselves and refuse to communicate. Friendship is difficult to develop, and the development of love is limited. In real life, parents' intimidation education constantly strengthens people's thinking habit of "bad person inference". Even when children can't sleep, parents will use such methods as "Nigger bites you", "Don't sleep, hook your soul", "Cry again and let bin Laden take it away" and "Traffickers are coming" to make inexperienced children feel that no place is safe and there are "bad guys" everywhere, because there are parents. In daily life, we can also see parents or elders threatening their children everywhere, such as not talking to strangers, not eating things given by others and so on. In school education, teachers' intimidation of students can be seen everywhere. For example, if you don't listen to your parents and take you to the headmaster without finishing your homework, it seems that the headmaster is the legendary devil. The teacher's threatening language in class has become the unconscious mantra of some teachers. China people's unique thinking mode of "bad person inference" will naturally produce the psychology of being even in love. I once overheard a female professor from the School of Foreign Languages in our school talking about the love between Yang Zhenning and Weng Fan. She looked at me mysteriously and said, "I didn't expect Yang Zhenning to be such a person. I had a good impression on him before, and now his image will definitely be greatly affected! " In the eyes of ordinary people, Weng Fan is definitely unhappy, and Yang Zhenning should belong to "old cow is tender!" What a ridiculous and bad inferential thinking is this? In fact, their love is legendary and romantic. In addition to cultural reasons, people's mental journey will also affect their attitude towards others. It is generally believed that a victim can easily become a victim with a little carelessness. In Wang Xiaobo's "Golden Age", the reason why the military representative tried to ruin the love between Wang Er and Chen Qingyang was because the military representative was slapped by Chen Qingyang when he asked Chen Qingyang for sex. So he became angry from embarrassment and sought revenge. In China's traditional cultural classics, the evil mother-in-law is often a typical literary symbol that restricts young people's romance. These are described in Peacock Flying Southeast and the poems of Lu You and Tang Wan. Where does the evil mother-in-law come from? They are survived by their bitter daughter-in-law, and this viciousness can't even be controlled. Lu Xun brilliantly analyzed the psychology of evil mother-in-law: "In women, true love is awakened from having a husband, a lover and a child;" Otherwise, it will be hidden, or collapse, or even abnormal. "However, people who have to live alone will inevitably change mentally, and their personalities are mostly" stubborn, suspicious and insidious ". It is precisely because "life is unnatural" that my mind has changed greatly. I feel that the world is boring and the characters are disgusting. When I see some innocent and happy people, I hate them. Especially because of the suppression of sexual desire, I am sensitive, suspicious, envious and jealous of other people's sexual events. "The personality of a woman living in this mental state has been seriously distorted. After her daughter-in-law has been a grandmother for many years, she will "turn to abuse those who are not yet independent, just as a child bride is as vicious as her evil aunt when she becomes a mother-in-law." After mastering the parents' rights, the women in Zhang Ailing's novels also show arbitrary, sinister and selfish psychological characteristics, such as Zhishou's mother-in-law Qiao Qi, her aunt Mrs. Liang, Duan Jiaoqing's sister-in-law and mother. Zhang Ailing pointed out very sharply that if mothers have very unfortunate experiences, their psychology towards their children will be horribly distorted, and more innocent and weaker children will be hurt. In Jin Zaji, Zhang Ailing depicts the abnormal personality and distorted personality of her mother Qiao Qi. Zhang Ailing patiently described the details of Qiao Qi's attitude towards her lover and children, and quietly and clearly revealed Qiao Qi's broken personality to readers. Zhang Ailing revealed that the object of resistance of the weak is not directed at the strong, but at the weak. Qiao Qi described by Zhang Ailing is a tragic woman, and her life is a process of losing her dual identity (wife and mother). Qiao Qi was enslaved by power all her life. She had to accept the marriage of her brother and sister-in-law, and had to be at the mercy of her husband's family. She had to endure the torment of desire. In order to ensure a share of the inheritance, she suffered from lust in the most flashy life and the most brilliant youth, and adhered to women's morality. In order to keep the gold I bought when I was young and widowed, I ruined the only yearning for happiness in my life. All she has left is gold and her two children. As an independent woman, she has nothing. She was dominated by power all her life. The original fresh and delicate life tumbled, withered, aged and died on the blade of the patriarchal society. Finally, she became a shriveled and gloomy old woman, a symbol of feudal parental power. She finally has the power to manipulate gold, and she holds on to it so that no one can use it. For this reason, she drove away the man who had been waiting all her life, and for this reason, she tried every means not to let her daughter, who was nearly thirty, get married. When she has no power, Qiao Qi is enslaved by power. When she has a little power, she will vent violently. She finally has the power to control the fate of others-but that's her child. Poor Qiao Qi vented his life's sufferings and pains, and as a result, his daughter-in-law was forced to death, and his son was afraid to remarry. Scared off the prospective son-in-law, and the daughter never married. The intensity of revenge can only prove the depth and unbearable suffering of Qiqiao. Seven Qiao is a unique image of evil mother in the history of modern literature in China. Qiqiao is no longer the mother of the source of life, but an accomplice in creating female tragedies under patriarchy and an agent among women tamed by patriarchal culture. Qiao Qi's lack of motherhood means that Qiao Qi is completely suppressed by the "other", and Qiao Qi's "motherhood" is replaced by "the shadow of his father". The loss of motherhood is vividly reflected in Qiao Qi: when Qiao Qi pestered his son all night to burn opium for himself; When Qiao Qi sells his daughter-in-law's privacy as a joke; When Qiao Qi quietly hinted to her eldest daughter's suitor that her daughter was addicted to opium, Qiao Qi's broken personality was exposed to the maximum extent.